All-Time Tiger Name Team

This is pretty much the most entertaining thing I've read Tigers-related lately. Awesome post! -- Kurt

From the guy who brought you the Tigers' All-Suck Team of the Aughts, comes a post that is much happier, much fall-off-your-chair-ier, and took a lot less work.

Dale S. beat me to it, but since my response is longer, more comprehensive, and has much better jokes, I am posting this as a separate FanPost.

What follows is not a list of the Greatest Tigers since 1901, but the greatest names of Tigers since 1901. I split them up by periods: Early Years, Golden Age, War & Post-War, Post-Modern, Sparky & Randy, and 21st Century. Each period has 8 position players and 8 pitchers, plus some honorable mentions, for a total of well over a hundred great names plucked from Tiger history (or more precisely, BaseballReference.com). At the end, I suggest an all-time team, but this is certainly up for debate.

Qualities of a "Great" Name:

• Funny
• Hard to spell
• Hard to pronounce
• Near to taboos
• Apropos
• Fun to say

I tried to find a balance of all.

Rules: 16 players per era, 8 hitters and 8 pitchers. One player per each position, but outfielders are interchangeable. Pitchers are not designated as relievers or starters.

Players whose careers spanned multiple eras will be considered in the era during which they made their greatest Tiger contributions, with the tiebreaker going to the best season. Also, there's no DH.

Disclaimer: Before commenters have at me, yes, this list is TOTALLY biased by my own cultural and linguistic background. If you're not a native English speaker or you're from a country other than the United States, then  some of these names won't sound so strange to you. On the other hand, if you happen to hail from a country where Yats Firpo "Baby Doll" Schiappacasse-Poffenberger de la Cruz is a common name, then I implore you, please let me come live in your country because that is awesome.

That's it for intro. All the cool stuff after the jump:

(continued from when I said "All the cool stuff after the jump")

The Early Years: 1901-1919

The Tigers’ early years were low on diversity* but great for nicknames. Unfortunately, the outfield of this time was taken up by the hum drum-ingly-christened Harry Heilmann, Tyrus Cobb, Samuel Crawford and Bobby Veach. Fortunately, the backups still had a sprinkling of interesting monikers:

(Photo of Ossie Vitt, via upload.wikimedia.org)

Oscar Stanage (C)
Guy Tutwiler (1B)
Ossie Vitt (2B)
Pepper Peploski (3B)
Baldy Louden (SS)
Lou Schiappacasse (OF)
Baby Doll Jacobson (OF)
Snooks Dowd (OF)
Pug Cavet (P)
Hooks Dauss (P)
Carl Zamloch (P)
Al Klawitter (P)
Grover Lowdermilk (P)
Razor Ledbetter (P)
Frosty Thomas (P)
Hub Pernoll (P)

Honorable Mentions:
Sport McAllister (C), Fritz Buelow (C), Rabbit Robinson (3B), Red Killefer (UT), Hugh High (OF), Walt "Want" Justis (P)

* One of the more popular nicknames of the time was "Nig." Though this lead to some ostensibly funny names, since this was short for what you think it what short for, such names were not considered.

The Golden Age: 1920-1940

The Golden Age of baseball was also the Golden Age of Tiger names. There were so many great ones, you could almost fill an entire team of Honorable Mentions. Some of the pitchers on the HM list would have made any other team, but like every Spring Training since DD started stockpiling flamethrowers, competition for pitching roster spots was fierce. Of course, those who did make the cut should be in the Hall of Fame on moniker alone!

(Photo of Boots Poffenberger, via upload.wikimedia.org)

Muddy Ruel (C)
Lu Blue (1B)
Frank Sigafoos (2B)
Red Kress (3B) -- I like the Red Kress*
Yats Wuestling (SS)
Bob Fothergill (OF)
Al Wingo (OF)
Heinie Manush (OF)
Slim Love (P) -- Best cliche-altering opportunity since the first adding of "in bed" to a fortune cookie fortune.
Red Cox (P)
Bots Nekola (P)
Cy Fried (P)
Lil Stoner (P)
Boots Poffenberger (P) -- pictured
Chief Hogsett (P)
Firpo Marberry (P)

Honorable Mentions:

Pinky Hargrave (C), Johnny Grabowski (C), Flea Clifton (IF), Herm Merritt (SS), Jo-Jo White (OF), Chick Shorten (OF), Suds Sutherland (P), Schoolboy Rowe (P), Elam Vangilder (P), Emil Yde (P), Augie Prudhomme (P), Ole Olsen (P)

*Oblique reference to Motion City Soundtrack, who were really good live this one time in Ann Arbor, but their albums really -- I mean really -- blow.

War & Post-War (1941-1960)

The war years brought a lot of roster changes, but not nearly as many funny names. Catcher seemed to be a magnet during this time for some strange ones, but a nickname won it. One is meh or awesome, depending on how one pronounces ("Weik").

(Photo of Al Kaline, via static.howstuffworks.com)

Birdie Tebbetts (C)
Walt Dropo (1B)
Jimmy Bloodworth (2B)
Scat Metha (3B) -- no, this isn't "Scot" misspelled
Pinky Higgins (SS)
Hoot Evers (OF)
Al Kaline (OF) -- like the battery
Vic Wertz (OF)
Virgil Trucks (P)
Dizzy Trout (P)
Boom-Boom Beck (P)
Bobo Newsom (P) -- the name was the most normal thing about Bobo
Stubby Overmire (P)
Prince Oana (P)
Rufe Gentry (P)
Dick Weik (P) -- please tell me the "ei" is a short 'i'

Honorable Mentions:
Matt Batts (C), Johnny Bucha (C), Walt Streuli (C), Lou Berberet (C), Reno Beroia (IF), Lou Skizas (UT), Gus Zernial (OF), Tuck Stainback (OF), Bud Souchock (OF), Jimmy Outlaw (OF), Saul Rogovin (P), Duke Maas (P)

Also the aptly-named George Susce (P), who had a 12.89 ERA for the Tigers in '59.



Post-Modern (1961-1980)

(Photo of Rocky Colavito, via www.1963toppsset.com)

The '60s and '70s apparently witnessed the desegration of Polish players from baseball, which helped keep name talent high. Middle infielders with funny names were aplenty in this time.

Gus Traindos (C)
Whitey Herzog (1B)
Jerry Lumpe (2B)
Dick Tracewski (3B)
Coot Veal (SS)
Rocky Colavito (OF)
Purnal Goldy (OF)
Ike Blessitt (OF) -- Wonder how long it took for "gesundheit" to get old for stadium announcers
Hal Woodeshick (P)
Ron Nischwitz (P)
Bill Monbouquette (P)
Roy Face (P)
Lerrin LaGrow (P)
Gary Ignasiak (P)
Dave Lemanczyk (P)
Johnny Podres (P)

Honorable Mentions:
Tito Fuentes (2B), Ken Szotkiewicz (SS), Tom Veryzer (SS), Chuck Scrivener (IF), Ben Oglivie (OF), Micky Lolich (P)



Sparky and Randy (1981-2000)

I'll say this for Randy Smith: he could sure pick infielder names. The All-Star infields of this time are only overshadowed by the cornucopia of great names who backed them up. Even Rico Brogna couldn't crack the roster. However, in an era that used a ton more pitchers than ever before, we were preciously short on great names from the mound.

(Photo of Babaro Garbey, via www.joesportsfan.com)

Bill Nahorodny (C)
Barbaro Garbey (1B)
Wayne Krenchicki (2B)
Luis Manuel Martinez de los Santos (3B) -- I probably spent more time saying his name than he spent in the bigs.
Jim Walewander (SS)
John Wockenfuss (OF)
Kimera Bartee (OF)
Pete Incaviglia (OF)
Jerry Ujdur (P)
Guillermo Villanueva Hernandez (P) -- When you put it that way, it's not a bad change.
Sid Monge (P)
Jack Lazorko (P)
Mike Trujillo (P)
Urbano Lugo (P)
Dan Gakeler (P)
Tim Belcher (P)

Honorable Mentions:
Milt May (C), Orlando Mercado (C), Chris Bando (C), Rico Brogna (1B), Torey Lovullo (2B), Dave Machemer (2B), Tony Bernazard (2B), Johnny Paredes (2B), Ivan de Jesus (SS), Rick Schu (3B), Skeeter Barnes (3B), Lloyd Moseby (OF), Milt Cuyler (OF), Scott "The Crusader" Lusader (OF), Melvin Nieves (OF), Geronimo Berroa (OF), Chet Lemon (OF),  Fausto Cruz (UT), Milt Wilcox (P), Juan Berenguer (P), Mark "The Bird" Fidrych, (P), Joe Boever (P), C.J. Nitkowski (P)



The 21st Century So Far (2001-present)

The 2000s earn an incomplete, since we're only half-way through it at this point. The infield, compared to the '80s and '90s is pretty boring. For example, shortstop for much of this decade has been manned by guys with names like Jason Smith, John McDonald, and Carlos Guillen, which is Spanish for "Charles Williams" [yawn]. Still, all the pitchers that Dombrowski has aquired in the last few years means the back end of the 21st century team is as competitive as any.

(Photo of Hiram Bocachica, via www.bestsportsphotos.com)

"Pudge" Rodriguez (C)
Jack Hannahan (1B)
Placido Polanco (2B) -- Remember how cool this name was before you got used to it?
Omar Infante (3B)
Brent Dlugach (SS)
Wendell Magee (OF)
Hiram Bocachica (OF)
Nook Logan (OF) -- Rhymes with "Hogan"
Esteban Yan (P)
Macay McBride (P) -- Great use here of multiple Celtic prefixes for "son of"
Lino Urdaneta (P)
Ugueth Urbina (P)
Eulogio de la Cruz (P)
Yorman Bazardo (P)
Jair Jurrjens (P)
Fu-Te Ni (P)

Honorable Mention:
Ben Petrcik (C or 1B), Tony Giarratano (SS), Fernando Rodney (P), Wil Ledezma (P), Aquilino Lopez (P), Virgil Vasquez (P), Jose Paniagua (P), Tim Byrdak (P), Brian Schmack (P), Eric Eckenstahler (P), Daniel Schlereth (P)

ALL TIME AWESOME NAMES:

(Photo of Fu-Te Ni, via www3.pictures.zimbio.com)

Catcher: Muddy Ruel
First Base: Barbaro Garbey
Second Base: Placido Polanco
Third Base: Pepper Peploski
Shortstop: Yats Wuestling
Outfield: Rocky Colavito
Outfield: Heinie Manush
Outfield: Hiram Bocachica

Pitcher: Bots Nekola
Pitcher: Lil Stoner
Pitcher: Boots Poffenberger
Pitcher: Firpo Marberry
Pitcher: Red Cox
Pitcher: Slim Love
Pitcher: Yorman Bazardo
Pitcher: Fu-Te Ni

Yes, 6/8 of the best pitcher names in Tiger history all pitched around the same time. Few did much pictching, though, in case you, like me, were planning on having a dream tonight about a top rotation of Nekola, Firpo and Poffenberger with Red Cox and Slim Love ready in the bullpen. That we have recently discovered the first two truly excellent pitching names in a century says this team must be going in the right direction, right?