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Around SBN: Yu Darvish Diagnosed With Mariners Fever

Game 30 Rain Delay overflow


And the tarp goes on. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Darn rain.

Dontrelle Willis apologist.

by 13194013 on May 7, 2010 8:57 PM EDT reply actions  

At my graduation

President Obama called Jennifer Granholm a “wonderful governor”

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:01 PM EDT up reply actions  

oooh

I think we should probably avoid politics here

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 9:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

excellent idea

Besides, a politician is going to be polite to the host of the state he’s in regardless of either of their feelings or records.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:03 PM EDT up reply actions  

Pirate goes into a bar

with a ship’s steering wheel affixed to his crotch
he orders up a beer, and the bartender says “sure, but what’s with that steering wheel”
Pirate says “arrrgh it’s drivin me nuts!”

by Tigerdog1 on May 7, 2010 9:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

okay, that one is funny

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:03 PM EDT up reply actions  

hahaha ... really

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions  

Horse goes into a bar

orders a beer, and the barternder says “sure, but why such a long face?”

by Tigerdog1 on May 7, 2010 9:05 PM EDT up reply actions  

two peanuts were walking down the street

and one was assaulted

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

train (wreck) delay

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:00 PM EDT reply actions  

Facebook

What the heck is it for?

I ask because I have a profile or page or whatever the heck it is because a friend at work told me I had to have one to see his funny picture (it was funny) and now I have people being my friends and I’m not sure what Facebook is for.

(Then again I was on twitter for about a month before I commented at all, too.)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:02 PM EDT reply actions  

in that case

I like twitter better. It’s more fun and conversational.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions  

the funny thing is

after one of my first comments, a bunch of my internet friends said “when did you get a twitter?!?” and immediately started following me. Now it’s funny to see the flurry of bots that latch onto a stray mention of something in a comment.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

I just had a bot

give me a link to computer deals on Amazon. They’re getting smarter and better.

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

something that automatically follows a person

After I talked about how bad the Royals were, I started getting followed by a bot posting listings for apartments in Kansas City.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:11 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'm kind of the opposite

I had Facebook first and I still don’t really know what the difference is between a Facebook status update and a tweet. I basically use Twitter to post links to my blog posts and occasionally I’ll reply to someone else. Besides, more of my friends are on Facebook than Twitter.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

more of my friends are on twitter than Facebook

I think. Or maybe not. Some of them are starting to find me on Facebook.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:10 PM EDT up reply actions  

indeed

i was so proud of getting my .edu email because then i could chill with my college friends, the ones good enough to move forward in life.

now it’s full of parents, old folks, kids, and fake profiles

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:10 PM EDT up reply actions  

It is pretty cool for catching up with friends you've lost touch with

other than that it’s a great tool for feeding any narcissistic tendencies you may have

by murrajo on May 7, 2010 9:05 PM EDT up reply actions  

Hockey fans

Boston-Philly is tied at 3 with 13 minutes to go

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:05 PM EDT reply actions  

No

someone needs to be there to beat Pittsburgh

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:07 PM EDT up reply actions  

I sure hope so

Halak has been unbelievable. I knew he was good, but he’s playing Carey Price right out of Montreal.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

go Philly for now, I guess

At least to avoid a sweep. Sweeps are boring. I like 6 game series usually; teams don’t get as rusty waiting for someone else to finish.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

Aaaargh!

In the office, no TV – after weather wiped out my entire schedule, I really need a full Tigers game tonight. Anyone know a prognosis of them getting this back underway?

by Todd Jones Save Manual on May 7, 2010 9:08 PM EDT reply actions  

The last thing Jim and Dan said before they cut out

was that it looked like it could be quite a while

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 9:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

Damn it.

As it is, the Wings are on an off-day, I had two track meets and a softball doubleheader cancelled locally in anticipation of several inches of snow, and the Brewers are in Arizona and don’t start until 9:40.

by Todd Jones Save Manual on May 7, 2010 9:16 PM EDT up reply actions  

I was proctoring a final exam today

and a student came up halfway through and asked to move because the guy in the seat next to her smelled so bad she was getting nauseous.
That was a new one.

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 9:08 PM EDT reply actions  

Nurse goes into the bank to deposit her paycheck after working a 16 hour shift

Teller says, you have to sign the back of it
So she reaches into her purse and grabs a pen, only to realize it was a rectal thermometer
She says “that’s just great, some asshole has my pen”

by Tigerdog1 on May 7, 2010 9:10 PM EDT up reply actions  

nice

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:13 PM EDT up reply actions  

first time seeing tigers weekly

I hoped phil coke would have exhibited a bit more personality

by Kurt Mensching on May 7, 2010 9:09 PM EDT reply actions  

I don't know if you still can

but I bought it on iTunes. Best $1.99 I’ve ever spent.

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:13 PM EDT up reply actions  

Also bought the 1997 UM-OSU game

and these are full telecasts, not that abbreviated stuff where you miss commentary.

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

Yeah

Theres tv shows too but they are way too expensive. Movies are too. They really jacked up the prices recently

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:18 PM EDT up reply actions  

I already have it on tape

I used to set the VCR to tape games that would be on while I was at work so that I could watch them later (this was before I got MLB.tv). I just happened to work that night, so I kept the tape.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:16 PM EDT up reply actions  

well, he's no Jose Lima

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

Hey, anyone who uses Blogger...

I am being plagued by Chinese spam in my comments section, but the person has a different username each time. Is there a way I can block it without being super-restrictive on who can comment?

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:11 PM EDT reply actions  

<3 Ernie :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

there were

So many mustaches on that 1984 team.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:15 PM EDT reply actions  

what are you looking at right now?

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:18 PM EDT up reply actions  

i thought I could get a droid for $19.99 but it turns out that is not for me

my wife just got a palm pre. I’m not sure, I like the droid incredible or the droid. I have a Dare right now.

by murrajo on May 7, 2010 9:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

i'm probably being cheap but the best i've found on the droid is $130

I like the physical keyboard on the droid. On the Dare it’s touch screen and I do a lot of texting, so the simulated keys are annoying

by murrajo on May 7, 2010 9:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

I don't actually have one of those

But I assume the touch screen texting would be annoying

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:26 PM EDT up reply actions  

Speaking of annoying

I had to type the word texting 4 times because of this stupid spell check feature on the iPad

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:26 PM EDT up reply actions  

lol

you’d think that word would be in the vocabulary by now

by murrajo on May 7, 2010 9:27 PM EDT up reply actions  

Seriously

Its pretty helpful 90% of the time though. It’s a bitch to delete text on this thing

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

I have a BlackBerry

But I really was not at all comfortable with the touch screens I tried – the Droid Eris looked nice, but using it was really frustrating for me. A lot of people don’t mind touch screens, though.

I have a BlackBerry Bold 9700 and have had no problems with typing and I thought I would at first.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:22 PM EDT up reply actions  

my sister has a Palm Pre too

She seems to like it well enough.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:24 PM EDT up reply actions  

I went to a couple of stores and tried them out

Until I found one that was comfortable. I figured the big expense is the data plan anyway, if I was going to have a phone for a couple years at least I wanted one that was comfortable and easy to use.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:29 PM EDT up reply actions  

Here's my addition.

So it’s WWII and an American pilot gets shot down over Germany. He’s quickly found and brought to a POW camp. He has numerous injuries. The German doctors look him over and inform him that he’s going to have to have an amputate his leg. The pilot says, “That’s fine, but can you do me a favor, can you drop it over my base in England.” Slightly confused the doctors say they can, and they do it.

The next day, the doctors inform him there’s just too much damage to his arm, and they’ll have to amputate. The pilot again makes the same request. “Can you drop it over my base in England?” And they do it.
The next day, they come to him and say they have to cut off his arm.

by playoffbeard on May 7, 2010 9:18 PM EDT reply actions  

He's make the same request one more time...

..“Can you drop it over my base in England?”

This time, they say, “Nein, this vee can not do anymore!”

Pilot says, “Why not?”

The doctors tell him, “Vee Think you are trying to escape!!!”

by playoffbeard on May 7, 2010 9:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

funny :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

did i miss something?

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

Ugh

Of all the people, pronger has to score

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:20 PM EDT reply actions  

bleargh

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

a blond is driving down the highway in nebraska

when she looks out her window and sees another blond sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a cornfield, furiously paddling. Frustrated, she pulls over and shouts out the window, “It’s blonds like you that make us all laughingstocks! if i could swim, i’d come out there and kick your butt!”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:23 PM EDT reply actions  

I'm going to need to remember all of these for the future

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:25 PM EDT up reply actions  

A Greek guy and a Roman guy are debating who is culturally superior

“We built the Parthenon” said the Greek guy.
“Yeah, well we built the Coliseum” said the Roman.
“Well we invented democracy,” said the Greek guy.
“Yeah, well we invented empire,” said the Roman.
“Well we invented sex!” said the Greek.
“Fair enough,” said the Roman, “but we introduced it to women.”

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 9:25 PM EDT reply actions  

If the game is rained out

do I lose all the stats for my fantasy baseball (Yahoo) ?

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:28 PM EDT reply actions  

I'm guessing you have Miggy on your squad?

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 9:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

yep!

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:30 PM EDT up reply actions  

I wish I had Miggy

My first basemen are Derrek Lee and Jorge Cantu. The only Tiger I have is Verlander, though I do have Grady Sizemore, which means that this game does have some fantasy value to me.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:33 PM EDT up reply actions  

I've got Magglio, too

and Zumaya and Porcello, who I am considering letting go

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:35 PM EDT up reply actions  

I have one that involves flooding

But with the problems in Nashville it seems in poor taste.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:28 PM EDT reply actions  

I suppose I could turn on the Rangers game

Perks of having MLB.tv

By the way, when did the Twins and O’s get rained out?

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:29 PM EDT reply actions  

yeah, I'm sitting here listening to wxyt sports talk

just because I didn’t managed to think of actually switching to another radio feed until you said that.

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 9:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

if this one is a bit over the line, feel free to delete it or smack me

Q: why don’t you play Uno with illegal immigrants?

A: Because they keep stealing all the green cards!

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:31 PM EDT reply actions  

I laughed :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

Hahaha

That could have been a lot worse IMO

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:32 PM EDT up reply actions  

visiting france on a wine-tasting trip, a woman drank too much, fell from her hotel window and ended up in a body cast. she swore never to get plastered in paris again.

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:32 PM EDT reply actions  

a golf club walks into a bar and asks for a pint. “no can do man,” the bartender says.
“why not?”
“because,” he explains, “you’ll be driving later.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:32 PM EDT reply actions  

grooooan

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:34 PM EDT up reply actions  

wow

Didn’t Boston only score like 86 goals in the entire season? Huh.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:33 PM EDT reply actions  

after a high school basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. “here,” he said to the ref, “i think this is yours.”
“what makes you think it’s my phone?” asked the ref.
“easy,” the coach said. “it says you have ten missed calls.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:33 PM EDT reply actions  

hahahaha

I LOVE this one. All purpose!

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:34 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'm coming up with almost nothing on the joke front

Of the only two I can think of, one involves a duck in a bar (and will take forever to type) and the other is a baseball joke that I’m sure you’ve all heard already.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:35 PM EDT reply actions  

does it involve a hammer and nails?

my all time favorite joke and i guy i coached little league with told it all the time during rain delays – how appropriate ….. if it’s not the same joke, just ignore me

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

some lady's story:

the day after delivering my 14-pound 2-ounce son, i was resting in the hospital room when a nurse wheeled in my new roommate.
“and there’s Mrs. Laidlaw,” the nurse said. “you know, the one i told you about who delivered a toddler yesterday.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:35 PM EDT reply actions  

in case anyone is wondering

i’ve had a livejournal since 2005. I write in it almost every day and almost always do a “joke of the day”. so i’m just going through a random month (september 08) and posting some of those.

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:37 PM EDT reply actions  

should have known better:

i was on my knees cleaning the oven when my husband came home after a round of golf. one look at the sweat pouring off my brow and he took pity on me.
“hold on,” he said, “i’ll help.” a minute later, my knight in shining armor came back with a pillow. “here, kneel on this.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:37 PM EDT reply actions  

this isn't a joke

but from SKORNACKI’s twitter:

#Tigers are watching Cavs-Celtics on scoreboard screen during rain delay in Cleveland. Reporters are eating ice cream.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:38 PM EDT reply actions  

Here's a joke....Pirates baseball

Down 3-2 in the 8th, men on first and third, none down.

Garrett Jones hits one right back to the pitcher, the guy at third breaks for the plate, and gets caught in a run down.

LaRoche and McCutcheon both end up on third. The Cardinal tags them both, so whoever is not entitled to be there it out….and then the other guy steps off the base.

Double Play!

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 9:40 PM EDT reply actions  

of course, the pitcher just hit the next two batters to load the bases

two down now

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 9:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

Correction

Ville Leino scored Philly’s 4th goal

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:40 PM EDT reply actions  

former Red Wing

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 9:41 PM EDT up reply actions  

thank god

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:42 PM EDT up reply actions  

a zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit.
“why are you doing that?” asked the keeper.
“the sign says it’s okay,” replied the visitor.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Yes, it does. it says ‘Do not feed. $10 fine.’”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:40 PM EDT reply actions  

Baseball joke you've all probably heard

Three old ladies go to a baseball game one night. They smuggled in a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and pass the bottle back and forth during the game. From the information provided, what inning is it and how many men are on base?

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:41 PM EDT reply actions  

Top of the first

It’s just Alli with her Jack. Trick question.

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 9:43 PM EDT up reply actions  

i'm a horrible joke teller (even in type) but here goes - and this one is pretty bad to start with

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink
“sorry, we don’t serve your kind, here” says that bartender.
the rope leaves, gets a pair of scissors and cuts himself up and then returns to the bar
“didn’t i tell you we don’t serve ropes in here?” demands the bartender
“i’m a frayed knot”

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:41 PM EDT reply actions  

I wish every station

did what CBC does. They don’t talk over the crowd or yak in the studio, but show the players skating out on the ice and let the sound of the crowd and the arena music be heard.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:41 PM EDT reply actions  

really now?

the telemarketer did his best to convince me to renew my subscription for another year. “at this price, it’s really a great bargain,” he said.
“i’m elderly,” i laughed. “i might die before the subscription ends.”
“no problem,” he assured me. “you’ll get a refund.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:42 PM EDT reply actions  

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. “So, how did you do son?” he asked.

“You’ll never believe it!” Billy said. “I was responsible for the winning run!”

“Really? How’d you do that?”

“I dropped the ball.”

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 9:42 PM EDT reply actions  

SO TRUE

walking downtown, i passed an elderly couple holding hands. utterly charmed, i commented on how delightful it was to see them being so tender at their age.
“i’ve been holding her hand when we go out for 30 years,” the man told me. “i have to. if i let go, she shops.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:43 PM EDT reply actions  

must have been in cleveland

my husband placed a perfectly good set of used tires outside his garage with a sign that read “free.” after a few weeks with no takers, he changed the sign to “$20.”
the next day, they were stolen.

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:44 PM EDT reply actions  

a vulture was taking a flight to visit his brother in france and thought he’d bring him something to eat, so he grabbed two dead raccoons. but when he went to board the plane, the flight attendant said “sorry, only one carrion per passenger”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:45 PM EDT reply actions  

i liked it

intellectual humor

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:48 PM EDT up reply actions  

I bet the airline charged the poor bird twice

once for the luggage and once for the inflight meal.

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 9:46 PM EDT up reply actions  

And Pittsburgh just tied the Cardinals

2 HBP and a wild pitch later.

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 9:46 PM EDT reply actions  

not so much a joke...

but on my hike through the woods yesterday I passed an older couple who were walking a dog. All of a sudden a bird chirped, quite loudly, but still just a chirp. They stopped and uttered the words “was that a bird?”

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 9:46 PM EDT reply actions  

that is indeed a joke

You should have told them it was a chipmunk. They chirp when startled. :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:48 PM EDT up reply actions  

it's instances like that...

that make me realize how comparatively smart I am.

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 9:49 PM EDT up reply actions  

Questinn

If this game does not go as an " official " game. do the player lose all stats for this game???

by TIGERSFAN40 on May 7, 2010 9:47 PM EDT reply actions  

Yep

It’ll be like it never happened

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:47 PM EDT up reply actions  

a man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “i think i’m losing an electron!”
the barkeep goes, “are you sure?”
the man replies, “yes, i’m positive!”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:47 PM EDT reply actions  

our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. the boss finally found him fast asleep. rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man’s chest. “as long as you’re asleep,” it read, “you have a job. but as soon as you wake up, you’re fired.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:49 PM EDT reply actions  

String goes into a bar and orders a beer

Bartender says “get the hell outta here, we don’t serve string in here”
String is all offended. He goes outside, ties himself in a nice thick knot, frays up his end to look like hair and goes back in, and orders a pint.
Bartender says “sure” “no, wait a minute, aren’t you that string I just kicked outta here”
String says, no, I’m a frayed knot!

by Tigerdog1 on May 7, 2010 9:50 PM EDT reply actions  

poster walks up to a complaint counter

“someone is stealing my jokes!”

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:54 PM EDT up reply actions  

okay, please delete if this offends

Insert diety of choice in this one, they all work, and this is meant with no disrespect to the flood victims in Nashville.

A man was in his house as the flood waters were rising, and did not evacuate with his neighbors. As the waters rose, he climbed to the second floor. A boat came by and offered him a ride to dry land; he said, no thank you, my god will protect me.

The water kept rising and he climbed onto the roof. Another boat came by and tried to rescue him from the rising waters, but again he refused, telling them his god would save him.

The waters rose further yet, and a helicopter hovered overhead and lowered a rope to rescue him, and again he refused it, putting his faith in his god. The water rose further yet and the man died and, as he was a good man, went to heaven.

When he came before his god, he thanked him for accepting him into paradise, but asked why he was not rescued from the flood, despite his faith?

God answered him, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what did you expect?”

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:51 PM EDT reply actions  

I like "diety" of choice

It’s not just a meal plan, it’s a religion!

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 9:52 PM EDT up reply actions  

only half paying attention :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:53 PM EDT up reply actions  

Military cost-cutting has hit everything, including toilet paper. only the cheapest graces our latrines. so when a couple of boxes filled with the good stuff — two-ply tissue! — fell into our laps, it was like manna from heaven. but the next morning, our behinds were brought down to earth. it was all a mistake. the boxes had been intended for the officers club.
“i should have known,” grumbled the supply sergeant. “our officers demand everything in duplicate!”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:55 PM EDT reply actions  

Haha

One of my best friends was in the army for eight years, and from the stories he’s told me, I could believe something like that actually happening. He and his coworkers once got scolded by some higher-ups because there was trash in the trash can.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 9:58 PM EDT up reply actions  

a marine biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. “some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles,” he said.
“what the hell would one whale say to another 300 miles away?” asked his sarcastic friend.
“i’m not absolutely sure,” the expert said, “but it sounds something like ‘can you hear me now?’”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:56 PM EDT reply actions  

For some reason...

Yakov Smirnoff is in my head.

And Mitch Hedberg

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 9:57 PM EDT reply actions  

okay, here's a nerd one

Rene Decartes walks into a restaurant and orders dinner. After dinner, the waitress asks if he would like to see the desert menu. Decartes tells her, “I think not” and POOF! he disappears. :)

(Sorry no one will get that – I’m a nerd.)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:57 PM EDT reply actions  

i think

therefore i am?

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 9:58 PM EDT up reply actions  

you got it exactly!

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 9:59 PM EDT up reply actions  

does that make me a nerd?

i’ve always wanted to be one

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 10:00 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'm afraid so

At least you have nerd-like tendencies. Understanding jokes about philosophy is one of the signs.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:02 PM EDT up reply actions  

Introduction to Philosophy

Good old liberal arts general education requirements

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 10:00 PM EDT up reply actions  

recently, a group of art experts were studying the mona lisa. gradually, one by one, they started sneezing. some of them had watery eyes and some had a fever. it turned out that they had contracted the mysterious Da Vinci Cold.

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:58 PM EDT reply actions  

Having looked the other way for weeks, the boss finally called smith into his office for a sit-down. “you know, smith,” he said, “i’ve noticed that every time you have to take your dear old aunt to her doctor’s appointments, there’s a home game over at the stadium.”
“wow, sir. i guess you’re right,” smith answered. “i didn’t realize it. you don’t think she’s faking it, do you?”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:59 PM EDT reply actions  

with his squad at attention, my father’s drill sergeant began inspecting their rifles. grabbing one soldier’s M-1, he peered down the barrel only to be stared back at by a spider.
“two demerits,” yelled the sergeant.
“why two?” asked the private.
“one for keeping an unclean weapon,” said the sergeant. “and one for keeping an unauthorized pet.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 9:59 PM EDT reply actions  

being in the bee removal business, i’m used to frantic phone calls, like the one from the woman whose home was infested with bees.
“you don’t understand,” she said, explaining why she was so upset, “i have two small children here.”
“i do understand,” i reassured her. “i have six children of my own.”
“oh,” she said, now calmer, “i guess you don’t have the ‘birds’ part down yet.”

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 10:00 PM EDT reply actions  

Hahaha

Kyle Wellwood literally just scored with his ass.

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 10:01 PM EDT reply actions  

That's the equivalent

Of Cecil fielder hitting a home run with his stomach.

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 10:01 PM EDT up reply actions  

I think everyone had to go to the bathroom simultaneously

Or to get a snack. I was checking the comment number – over 270 comments in a rain delay.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

yeah, we have no lives

oh well, I’m still at work, so, I guess that’s a given

Official BYB Juju Consultant...now accepting rally creature applications!

by ahtrap on May 7, 2010 10:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

good night, sunshine

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

I would like to voice my displeasure at the fact that tomorrow is a day game

I work 10-5. If it had been a night game I would be able to watch it. I’m going to miss Verlander.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 10:08 PM EDT reply actions  

same here...

accept I couldn’t watch no matter what.

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 10:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

For the Tigers' sake, I hope not

They don’t have an off-day for a while, so they’d have to call someone up (likely Alfredo Figaro, as it’s his turn to pitch tomorrow anyways; I would’ve said AG, last start notwithstanding, but he just pitched last night).

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 10:24 PM EDT up reply actions  

according to weather channel radar

skies over cleveland should be clear by about 11:45. How long will they wait?

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 10:11 PM EDT reply actions  

Not that long

Especially with a day game tomorrow

by Rob Rogacki on May 7, 2010 10:12 PM EDT up reply actions  

all good points

thanks

Rooting for Tiger stripes, not pinstripes

by JerseyTigerFan on May 7, 2010 10:14 PM EDT up reply actions  

No idea

I know they wait much longer if it’s late in the season, or the team won’t be traveling there later, or something. That seems a long time to wait when both teams will be there tomorrow anyway.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:12 PM EDT up reply actions  

thanks

I flipped over to Vancouver and Chicago – 2-2 in the first period. Roflberto Loluongo made an appearance early. :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:15 PM EDT up reply actions  

that would be lovely

I’d keep working for a while because there are a lot of procedures I want to write up, but I would take advantage of not having to work anymore to tell off people for being stupid and ignorant. :)

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:17 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'd keep my job...

I"d just like not having to worry about a damn thing.

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 10:18 PM EDT up reply actions  

same here

I’d just like to have the freedom to know that I could quit it.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

have fun!

I’m off too – doesn’t look like the game will happen tonight.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:20 PM EDT up reply actions  

I'm gonna brush my teeth

and if there’s no baseball in Cleveland by the time I’m gargling, I’m saying good night.

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 10:21 PM EDT reply actions  

good night

I’m signing off as it doesn’t look promising.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:23 PM EDT up reply actions  

Thanks for the jokes and conversation during the rain delay. :)

It was fun.

"While there's life, there's hope." --Cicero
Science nerd and proud of it!

by Baroque on May 7, 2010 10:23 PM EDT reply actions  

Nite.

That was definitely the weirdest game I ever didn’t see.

by Dale S on May 7, 2010 10:25 PM EDT reply actions  

I hope they make a decision soon

I need to get up at 8 AM, so knowing whether or not an all-nighter is ahead would be beneficial.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 10:31 PM EDT up reply actions  

i think they'll play it

all they need is a half an hour window. one more inning makes it official.
pitch Zumaya or even Valverde before the rain comes down again

by Cecil_Fielder on May 7, 2010 10:35 PM EDT up reply actions  

Boo

Blue Jays had a 4-3 lead on the White Sox but Kevin Gregg gave up a solo shot to Pierzynski in the ninth. Still glad we didn’t sign him.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 10:33 PM EDT reply actions  

all they need is one more scoreless inning

and the game is official…i think they’ll wait till midnight

by Cecil_Fielder on May 7, 2010 10:44 PM EDT reply actions  

Radar looks promising

could be back underway tonight still

Back off man, I'm a scientist

Hockeytown USA

by Ryan Weiss on May 7, 2010 10:49 PM EDT reply actions  

randomly checking back in

been playing video games the whole time instead of doing anything productive. oh wait, it’s summer and i’m unemployed, lol.

I Like Pie

by mrsunshine on May 7, 2010 10:57 PM EDT reply actions  

on the bright side….. no more curse of raburn

by HavocRox on May 7, 2010 11:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

Okay, so none of this ever happened

We were never here. I did not make stupid jokes.

Tigers Amateur Analysis

Doña of the VZ Mafia

by SabreRoseTiger on May 7, 2010 11:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

COTN?

I mean, being that it never happened and all.

by playoffbeard on May 7, 2010 11:09 PM EDT up reply actions  

glad they announced it...

I wasn’t leaving until they did. I’ll talk to myself on a gamethread. I’ve done it before.

by madpoopz on May 7, 2010 11:11 PM EDT up reply actions  

So will there be a double header tomorrow ??? .to finish this game off….SUCKS the score is gone the home run is gone..!!!>……But the Yankees and Red Sox what a game that was..Red Sux got blown out by the BRONX BOMBERS!!!….Beckett lets his emotions take over the game and disappointed the SUX

Semir

by Semir313 on May 7, 2010 11:21 PM EDT reply actions  

I guess I'll leave the thread now.

after all I do have to work tomorrow. Some bosses like rested employee’s.

by madpoopz on May 8, 2010 12:57 AM EDT reply actions  

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