There's no joy in Mud(hen)ville

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudhenville nine that day;
The score stood three to one, with but one inning more to play,
And then when Laird died at first, and Jackson did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

Some naysayers got up to go to the casinos. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, "If only Cabby could get one more AB —
We'd bet on a walkoff, just wait and see."

But Rhymes preceded Cabby, as did also evil Rayburn,
And the former was a nobody, while the latter was a fern;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat;
For there seemed but little chance of Cabby getting to the bat.

But Rhymes let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Rayburn, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and the crowd saw what had occurred,
There was Ryan safe at second and Rhymes a-hugging third.

Then from thirty thousand and more no longer forlorn;
Their shouts heard through Royal Oak, and felt in Dearborn;
They stood up in unison to focus their sight,
For Cabby, mighty CABBY, was about to show his might.

There was ease in Cabby's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Cabby's stance and a smile lit Cabby's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Cabby at the bat.

Sixty thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with tar,
One thousand more watched from Cheli's bar.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance flashed in Cabby's eye, a sneer curled Cabby's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Cabby stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped —
"That was clearly outside!" said Cabby. "Strike one!" the umpire said.

From the crowd some chanted "Restore the Roar!,"
While some covered their heads as they couldn't take it anymore.
"F*&# him! Kill the umpire!" was urged at the crowd's behest,
And it's likely they'd have killed him but for Artest.

With a smile of Venezuelan pride great Cabby's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun sphere flew;
But Cabby fouled it off, and suddenly it was strike two.

"Oh no, not again" thought the maddened thousands with things looking grim,
"We're just one strike away from a cig break for Jim."
They saw Cabby lock in, as he let his muscles strain,
And they knew that Cabby wouldn't let that ball go by again.

The focus in Cabby's eyes, the teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the closer holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Cabby's blow.

Oh, somewhere in Texas the sun is shining bright,
Celebration ensues in Minnesota, and Yankee fans remain tight,
And in Chicago men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudhenville — mighty Cabby has struck out.

A hastily drafted gift for the BYB crowd. It's 2:00AM PST and I should really be in bed, but for some reason I can't stop myself from scouring the internet for any remotely plausible trade rumors regarding the Tigers, so I thought I'd start a meta-venting thread. F-it, sell the farm for Dunn and Lilly! Bring on a battle-tested reliever! We're still in this thing! I'm not quite ready to wake up from the fog of denial just yet, but I can't help but feel terribly disappointed reading some of the commentary on here and other message boards regarding the Tigers. Yeah, we're fielding a AAAA team right now, and are fading faster than Lindsay Lohan's career, but we have many things to be thankful for, right? Right?

Here's a list of things I'm thankful for:

1) The opportunity to watch/follow one of the best hitters in our generation and almost certain lock for HoF Miguel Cabrera. No matter what happens with the team, and if DD gets ran out of town by a lynch mob, we can always credit him for providing us years of hitting magnificence, something with which only perhaps those in St. Louis can identify.

2) We're contending. Just about every year! Just think about yourself at the beginning of this decade and how you felt--if you could go back in time to tell yourself the Tigers would not only become a winning team, but make the World Series once, and contend for the division almost every year, and be the home of one of the greatest hitters and pitchers in baseball...wouldn't you be ecstatic? I think we all traded in many a prayer and they were answered. How quickly expectations change.

3) We're managed by one of the true good ones. Leyland takes a lot of flack about his ways, but look around the league...he's near the top. Garner and Trammell--no comparison. Look at some of the other teams with their revolving door of managers (Arizona? Florida? Cleveland?) 

4) I don't live in Pittsburgh. Or Kansas City. Or Seattle, Or Phoenix. Nuff said.

5) ??? Please chime in with some of your positive thoughts. We need more joy in Mudhenville.