Brad Penny does himself no favors in loss to Royals
by Kurt Mensching on Sep 20, 2011 11:47 PM EDT
in Detroit Tigers News
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KEY STAT
Brad Penny's line: 7 runs, 10 hits, 2 walks, 4 innings.
KEY PLAY
Brad Penny's fiance stayed alive on Dancing With the Stars. Ian had to inform me of that part, because like the rest of you I was watching the Tigers and thinking of new versions of swear words.
KEY THOUGHTS
David says I should write a Mad Libs style recap. He overestimates my creativity by at least half. But we'll see what happens. I'm actually going to require you fill in your blanks before you get to see the story, just like the original concept. Hopefully you'll share yours in the comments. Here goes.
- action
- description of quality
- verb ending in -ing, preferably one involving slang for procreation
- a kid's game
- a meat
- onomatopoeia for a loud noise
- an animal
- a noun
- a different noun meaning the same
- body part
- an amount ending in -ing.
Headline: Brad Penny __1_ again.
Man, Brad Penny was __2__ today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, ___3__ his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing ___4_, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo __5__ off Penny in the first, he hit a 3-run _6__ off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a _7__ out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers' offense played like __8__. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like __9__ for seven innings. It just makes me shake my __10__ .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means __11__ .
Now that you've seen how bad I am at this I bet you'll beg David to never bring up the idea again.
SERIOUS NOTE:
But Texas looks like it's going to win and cut the Tigers ALDS home field lead to zero. (Actually, the Tigers own the tie breaker, so I suppose you consider the lead as one. There's a lot to play for. Better win some game, Detroit.) If you don't have Game 1 tickets, #panicindetroit
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hello bless you boys!
this is my first post. hey this is my first post. i have been a long time lurker here. i live in japan and teach english at elementary school and junior high, so i often follow the games on the net and then come here for the wrap ups and analysis. also, all the great comments! it helps me stay connected, even though i am so far away. anyways, thanks a lot for the great articles and discussions.
here is my list for the madlibs.
1 – digest
2 – wretched
3 – pig fucking
4 – hop scotch
5 – hot dog
6 – ka-blaam!
7 – crazed monkey
8 – turd(s)
9 – stinker(s)
10 – groin
11 – nothing
by happyottersadotter on Sep 21, 2011 12:05 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs
I vote for this
"You, on the other hand, make Eeyore look like Rainbow Brite." -johnmoz
Contributor, Bless You Boys
by David Tokarz on Sep 21, 2011 11:13 AM EDT up reply actions
Brad Penny flails again
Man, Brad Penny was unnecessary today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, jiggling his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing pogs, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo beef jerky off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run SLURP off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a Tasmanian devil out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like tsunamis. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like typhoons for seven innings. It just makes me shake my hangnail .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means millionsing.
Every day each of us says the dumbest thing we are going to say that day.
qwantz.com
Brad Is Not Worth a Penny
Brad Penny DIED again. Man, Brad Penny was OVER 9000 today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, PUMMELING his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing HOT POTATO, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo SPAGHETTI off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run TATER off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was PLAYING LIKE THE TIGERS STOLE SOMETHIN.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like BLECH. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like MAMA LUIGI for seven innings. It just makes me shake my PINGAS.
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means NADA.
Brad Penny Karate Chop Again
Man, Brad Penny was fecal like today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, schlepping his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing Candy Land, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo monkey brain off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run clunking off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a chinchilla out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like a rug. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like carpet for seven innings. It just makes me shake my big toe.
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means sixty-nining .
I tend to look at the positives...
This might be second-to-last/penultimate time Brad Penny starts for the Tigers. I look forward to never seeing him in a Tigers uniform again. We’re very close to that time.
by (The)BallDontLie on Sep 21, 2011 1:42 AM EDT reply actions
"I look forward to never...."
Isn’t that kinda like eating a donut hole?
I don't care what the Chinese say, 2011 is the Year of the Tiger!
Brad Penny *Zoidberg Scuttle Exits* Again
Man, Brad Penny was Madonna acting-bad today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, Taking a ‘Jeff Daniels in Dumb & Dumber-esque’ dump on his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing Laugh At Brad Penny’s Expense, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo Country Sausage off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run AW HELL NAW off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a Balrog out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like a wet sandwich. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like damp Quizno’s sub for seven innings. It just makes me shake my pretty little head .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means a Penny Farthing.
Oooooh, "procreation"
I read that as “defecation,” and responded accordingly. I think it still works!
Penny and Leyland ouch
Penny makes it clear early when he doesn’t have "it’, which is most of the time. Why didn’t Leyland use this opportunity to give some of his overly-rested middle relief pitchers some innings early. leaving Penny in for the big inning as long as he did was totally off the wall.
Brad Penny inhales slurpees again.
Man, Brad Penny was ADORABLE today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, CEMENTING his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing JENGA, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo PASTRAMI off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run SHA-BANG off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a SEA TURTLE out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like A GIANT SLOTH. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like KING MABEL for seven innings. It just makes me shake my LEG .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means EVERYTHING!
by Anthony Steven Lewis on Sep 21, 2011 7:50 AM EDT reply actions
Brad Penny FISTED again.
Man, Brad Penny was AWFUL today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, SHAGGING his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing HOP SCOTCH knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo TENDERLOIN off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run BOOM off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a LEMER out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like DUNG. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like TURD BURGERS for seven innings. It just makes me shake my MINESCUS .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means TWENTY-ONE-ING?
The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love. ~Bryant Gumbel, 1981
Headline: Brad Penny F'ing sucks again.
Man, Brad Penny was f’ing terrible today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, complete f’ing his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing Mad Libs, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo brisket off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run fart off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a f’ing wildebeest out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like a limp penis. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like vienna sausages for seven innings. It just makes me shake my wang.
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means we suck against the Royals-ing.
Brad Penny rowing again.
Man, Brad Penny was incompetent today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, boffing his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing Go Fish!, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo pastrami off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run BOOM! off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a yeti out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like a tuning fork. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like a different tuning fork for seven innings. It just makes me shake my cochlea .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means nothing.
I hate Jonathon Ericsson.
Tuning forks? Cochlea?
Are you an audiologist?
by H2OPoloPunk on Sep 21, 2011 10:18 AM EDT up reply actions
Brad Penny sucks rocks again
Man, Brad Penny was hemorrhoidal today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, completely wanking his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing kick the can, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo kielbasa off Penny in the fourth, he hit a 3-run schmaaaak off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a fuzzy-rumped Mandrill out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like ghosts. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like zombies for seven innings. It just makes me shake my large intestine .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means squat.
On the radio the other day
they took the curse words out of a long Leyland quote and played Mad Libs with the gaps, it was pretty good
I have a game #1 ticket and am still panicking
well, panicking is probably too strong, but I would much rather see JV on a Friday night, than anyone else on a Monday
Here's my 11
1 – Sink
2 – Union
3 – Fornicating
4 – Hopscotch
5 – Elk testicles
6 – Kerchunk
7 – Wood Cockroach
8 – Fuck
9 – Holy Fuck
10 – Gluteal Follicle
11 – Fucking tons.
I haven’t read through the story yet, wanted to post these first.
Dancing Datsyuk Decidedly Dazzles Dainty Defensemen
if it did would you release him?
seems pretty cold, not overly beneficial, and exceedingly unlikely to happen.
He has lived up to season expectations.
The playoffs and the Tigers absence from them for a long time may not be the best place for sentimentality. If releasing him improves Tiger chances in the playoffs I would do it otherwise I would let him take his turn in the rotation until the end of the year and just not include him on the playoff roster.
Not trying to be insensitive here and have rooted for Penny all year but am just looking at the practical business of the playoffs. My guess is releasing him after the end of August would probably not open up any spots on the roster as it could get messy with playoff bound teams releasing players in September.
"Practical Business"
Ok, baseball is a business, yada yada, you don’t think showing a willingness to drop a major contributor on the eve of playoffs could hurt business in the future? don’t other players watch this stuff? You’r blatantly doing it just so you can take a fourth player not on the 25 man roster into the playoffs. For that matter, who is the fourth player not currently eligible that you would want to add?
Unless he was "released" from a third story window
I don't care what the Chinese say, 2011 is the Year of the Tiger!
You better hope that doesn't happen, TD
It’s in print with your name on it. His sizable list of enemies may take this opportunity to off him and use you as a scapegoat.
The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love. ~Bryant Gumbel, 1981
Playoff Power Ranking
Penny was still a good signing by DD…$3 mil for a veteran innings eater who can generally keep you in a game…
I still think Tigers are scariest team in AL…agree?
http://ology.com/sports/baseball-playoff-power-rankings-weve-got-wild-card-races
On twitter @BisonMessink
well, it could be 6 million
the details of the performance bonuses weren’t made public.
by Kurt Mensching on Sep 21, 2011 11:48 AM EDT up reply actions
with his injury history
a large part of his bonus is probably about number of starts and innings pitched, which he likely met
exactly what I was thinking
he may not get the full 6, but I have to imagine a lot of it was innings/games. Some of it may have been something silly like cy young voting or whatever. We may never find out what Penny earns but I’d guess $5m+. Which isn’t awful or anything, either.
by Kurt Mensching on Sep 21, 2011 1:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Brad Penny IMPLODES again
Man, Brad Penny was ERADICABLE today. He allowed seven runs in four innings of work, SODOMIZED his chances of making the playoff roster. When the Royals went up to the plate, they had to feel like they were playing MAKE-BELIEVE, knowing that something good would happen with just a swing of the bat. Eric Hosmer, especially. Not only did he hit a solo CHITLIN’ off Penny in the first, he hit a 3-run OINK off him in the fourth inning. Hosmer was a CENTAUR out there today.
Meanwhile, the Tigers’ offense played like SHRUBS. Royals starter Luis Mendoza entered the game with a 22.50 ERA, yet he made the Tigers look like a SEQUOYA for seven innings. It just makes me shake my LIMBS .
Ah, but whatever. The Tigers are in the playoffs. This game actually means SLEEPING .
Penny
After his last outing I for one believe Penny should be left off the 25 man roster. In the playoffs no team uses a 5th starter and he would scare me to death coming out of the pen.
Why does he scare you in the pen?
Because he borrowed Bondo’s can of gas labeled, “first inning”?
The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love. ~Bryant Gumbel, 1981
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