Detroit Tigers designated lightning rod Brandon Inge slugs almost .100 points better against left-handed pitchers than he does against right-handers, and as you woefully read, he's returning to the 25-man this weekend in the Chicago series. Meanwhile, Ramon Santiago is a skosh better against right-handers and isn't going to give the team more than 300 at-bats in the season. They're gonna fight for playing time.

The answer? I think they need to platoon them and bat them ninth, and you might be able to weld their splits into a .265/.325/.430 hitter.

I mean this, guys! This is not some elaborate joke with a grand payoff. This is a sensible way to use the players they have. I also understand that you may not believe the seriousness of my seriousness, so I made a video that will hopefully quell this fear:

So hopefully you, too, believe that Brandon Inge is "worth" more than Danny Worth! (That's a joke, underscoring a serious point.)