August 25, 2012; Boston, MA, USA; Kansas City Royals starting pitcher Jeremy Guthrie (33) pitches during the first inning against the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park. Mandatory Credit: Bob DeChiara-US PRESSWIRE
Detroit Tigers (69-60) at Kansas City Royals (58-71)
Time/Place: 8:00 p.m., Kaufmann Stadium
SB Nation Blog: Royals Review
Guthrie spent the first 2 1/2 months of the season watching baseballs sail over his head into the Denver night sky while also getting batters out occasionally. He allowed 21 home runs in 19 appearances (15 starts), resulting in a 6.35 ERA. He is also skeptical of the practical uses of humidors. Rumor has it that he has asked new teammate Jeff Francoeur to hit a humidor with a bat in hopes that the humidor's voodoo curse would release its hold over Guthrie's right arm. Naturally, Francoeur swung and missed.
Anyway, Guthrie has improved quite a bit since returning to sea level. He has pitched well in two starts against the Chicago White Sox already, and the Royals won both games. Still, I hope he sucks today.
Porcello pitched well in his last start but was still saddled with the loss because the offense couldn't score runs (sound familiar?) Hey, at least Zack Greinke is good. In more important news, this is from the "Personal Life" section of Porcello's Wikipedia page.
Porcello, a resident of Chester, New Jersey, was inducted into both the National Honor Society and the Spanish National Honor Society at Seton Hall Prep. He graduated with a four-year cumulative GPA of 3.94. His older brother Zach is a pitching coach at Seton Hall University. His younger brother Jake is a 2009 graduate of Seton Hall Prep and is currently a pitcher at Seton Hall University and was drafted by the Tigers in the 48th round of the 2009 draft.
Someone get Samara to spice that thing up ASAP.
I said yesterday that last night's game would probably suck less than the one on Monday night due to the simple theory of probability. If Monday's loss was a 95 on the BYB Suck-o-Meter (TM), last night's was much more likely to be less than 95 simply because there is more room for error from 0 to 95 than there is from 95 to MS Paint Recap (the upper echelon of this arbitrary suck-o-meter that I just made up). Long story short: I was wrong. Getting shut out by Bruce Chen sucks hard, and it probably would have resulted in an MS Paint Recap had the ninth inning not been somewhat suspenseful. Since nothing about the Kansas City Royals make sense and this series is apparently going to drive us all to an early grave, follow these sage words from our good friend and mentor.
Jeremy Guthrie throws a no-hitter today. Unless you can think of something more awful.