Top 10 reasons the Tigers will beat the A's in the ALDS

Kelley L Cox-US PRESSWIRE

You can take your #NoHubris hash-tag and shove it up your Bartolo Colon.

Unless you're drinking the "NO HUBRIS" Kool-Aid (Wussyberry Blue), you already know that the Tigers are going to beat the Oakland A's in this year's ALDS. However, you may not know all of the reasons why this will happen. That's where I come in. (Over there. You might want to start locking that door.) So here we go with ...

Top Ten Reasons the Tigers Will Beat the Athletics in the ALDS

10. Jim Leyland watches "Moneyball," hires Philip Seymour Hoffman to co-manage the team

9. Bartolo Colon gets hungry and disoriented between innings, eats Coco Crisp

8. Hawk Harrelson visits Tigers clubhouse before the series, gives inspirational presentation on "The Will to Win"

7. Team technician discovers Justin Verlander's "hard reboot" switch buried in his chin dimple

6. Several A's players, too used to playing in warmer climates, freeze to death in Detroit

5. Two words: Donnie October

4. Brandon Moss downloads "Candy Crush," is never seen or heard from again

3. A's batters too distracted by a naked Bruce Rondon swinging on a wrecking ball in the bullpen

2. Jhonny Peralta reveals new bionic arm, throws out 17 runners at first base from left field

And the number one reason the Tigers will beat the A's in the ALDS ...

1. Magglio Ordonez: Hitting Coach

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