Twitter is littered with fake Brad Ausmuses

Jed Jacobsohn

With the departure of Jim Leyland, and thus @fakeleyland, there is a rush of Brad Ausmus parody accounts eager to fill the void. Bless You Boys investigates.

As a guy with some experience with the matter, I can tell you that fake Twitter accounts are a delicate business. The best pure parody accounts are faithful to their subject yet inject enough spice to be funny. They are self-aware, but not too self-aware. For Tigers fans the gold standard has been @fakeleyland.  Curmudgeonly and potty-mouthed it played to all our favorite Skipper stereotypes. Now that Leyland is gone as manager there is a rush to take @fakeleyland's place in the weird world of  Detroit Tigers based internet humor.

The problem is that people don't have much to go on. The only real stereotype about Brad Ausmus is that he is pretty.  Don't worry, that hasn't stopped a flood of people from trying their hand at being a fake skipper. Let me tell you, the results are not pretty. The good news is I'm here to save you from the pain and shame of checking this out for yourself.

Account: @BradAusmusAbs

Name: Brad Ausmus Abs

Profile: Detroit Tiger's Manager, Dartmouth Grad, Panty Dropper

Number of tweets:  4  Followers: 5

Sample tweet:

Early review: Looks like The Abs have a pretty clear strategy. Be sexy and annoying.

Account: @TheBradAusmus

Name: Brad Ausmus

Profile: Bios are bullshit. Manager of the best team in the AL. Taking over the world series crown from the lumberjacks over in Boston. This is a parody account!*

Number of tweets:  4  Followers: 5

Sample tweet:

Early review: Not good. Four tweets full of desperate swearing. First, I don't think of Brad Ausmus as a foul mouthed guy. Second, if you want followers don't ask for them. Provide something interesting that people want to enjoy.

Account: @FakeAusmus

Name: Fake Brad Ausmus

Profile: Apparently I'm managing the Detroit Tigers. This is a parody account.

Number of tweets:  5  Followers: 1,651

Sample tweet:

Early review: How did this one get so many followers so fast? Anyway, this is the best of the bunch so far, but that isn't saying much. This has all been awful.

Account: @Not_Brad_Ausmus

Name: Not Brad Ausmus

Profile: I am the newly hired manager of the Detroit Tigers. This is where I let my inner ego unleash. Ladies love me. (Parody)

Number of tweets: 30  Followers: 125

Sample tweet:

Early review: Between completely unsubtle descriptions of what local women would like to do to him, @Not_Brad_Ausmus is trolling for retweets and follows as illustrated above.  This article is causing me to lose faith in humanity.

Account: @BradAusmus

Name: Not Brad Ausmus

Profile: Not the Manager of the Detroit Tigers.. but close enough.

Number of tweets: 31  Followers: 43

Sample tweet:

Early review: This is the least crude tweet of the bunch. His other tweets include content about farts, MILFs, whitey tightys, skid marks, porn, Viagra, tits, an the like. If that is your bag, go for it I guess. Not good.

Account: @NotAusmus

Name: Not Brad Ausmus

Profile: Best manager in the league for the best team in the league. Parody.

Number of tweets: 51  Followers: 1,093

Sample tweet:

Early review: More of the same here. Crude jokes about being sexy, hating Phil Coke and Don Kelly, drinking with Miggy, asking for exposure. Yuck.

Account: @DrunkBradAusmus

Name: Drunk Brad Ausmus

Profile: none

Number of tweets: 0  Followers: 1

Sample tweet: None

Early review: Due to lack of awful content, this is now the best of the bunch.

Account: @Bradthe_ausmus

Name: Brad Ausmus

Profile: Not the real Brad Ausmus -- Detroit Tigers Manager

Number of tweets: 1  Followers: 1

Sample tweet:

Early review: I don't even know what to say. This is bad.

Dishonorable mention:

@FireAusmus

@BradAusmusFans

@SexyAusmus (suspended)

So how will this all pan out? One or two will probably find a voice, be retweeted, and make it to the top of the heap. The dirty secret about parody accounts is that they have more to do with the person behind the computer and less to do with the parodied person or subject matter. A guy like Matt Sussman or HookSlide can come up with funny stuff no matter the angle, for some others it will simply not happen.

However, I'm not going to tell you how to "do" Twitter.  Tweet what you want, follow who you want. Find what you enjoy. And yes, maybe that includes a few fake sexy Ausmuses.

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