Yesterday it was announced that Don Kelly had been named the Tigers' finalist for the MLB Players Alumni Association (MLBPAA) Heart and Hustle award! Good for you Don!
For too long only the amazing players have been given awards. It is about time our awards include everyone! There is a reason that tiny AYSO soccer players all get yellow participant ribbons. Awarding people only for winning and success will ruin self-esteem and stunt fragile ego development.
We need to have more events like a small elementary school year-end assembly where every student is called up to collect an award. Sure, you might have to stretch to include everyone, but who wouldn't like to receive even a pathetic sounding award like "Best Helper" or "Friendliest Smile" or "Super Colorer"?
As we begin the second half of the baseball season, I present the inaugural Phil Coke's Brain You're Terrific Awards!
Most Excited and Erect Nipples Award - Brayan Pena
Best Team Stayer Oner - Evan Reed
Best Instagram Selfie Uploader - Al Albuerquerque
Best Intro Music Troll - Phil Coke
Heart and Hustle Award - Don Kelly
Tightest Pants Award - Justin Verlander
American Scapula Care Enthusiasts Award - Doug Fister
Best Lynn Henning Frustrator - Jhonny Peralta
Holy Crap an Actual Second Baseman Award - Omar Infante
Most Entertaining Slide Attempter - Prince Fielder
Most Valuable Player (yawn) - Miguel Cabrera
National Cattlemen's Beef Association Beefcake of The Year - Andy Dirks
Award for Achievement in Camera Winking At - Torii Hunter
Most Persistent Beard Grower - Austin Jackson
The Role Player of the Year Award presented by AdamEve.com (NSFW) - Matt Tuiasosopo
Blankest Face Award - Joaquin Benoit
Happiest Last Name - Drew Smyly
The Phillip Morris Cool Customer Award - Jim Leyland
Best Retaliator - Rick Porcello
Most Consistent Frowner - Luke Putkonen
Best at Pitching Award - Max Scherzer
Best Chair Holder Downer - Bruce Rondon
Excellence in Patience with People Who Can't Pronounce Your Name - Anibal Sanchez
Best Player Named Hernan Award - Hernan Perez
Most Likely to Inspire a Small Child - Ramon Santiago
The Best at Patiently Dealing With Everyone's Anxious Bullshit Award - Alex Avila
Most Unlikely Web Gem Producer - Victor Martinez