Tigers lose history's most boring baseball game 3-2

Mike Ehrmann

I can't believe they let me do this. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

Miami's one big threat got their one key hit to score three runs and lift the Marlins to victory. Giancarlo Stanton knocked a double in the third off of Rick Porcello to account for all of Miami's offense. While the Tigers had opportunities to push across the tying run, ultimately their post-clinch hodge-podge of players didn't have enough offense to get the job done.

The Tigers rolled into The Big Chroma Screen with the Central Division title in hand and while the possibility of earning home field advantage in the playoffs does provide some motivation, the Tigers looked like a group that was happy to simply get in their work.

The Tigers went quickly and quietly in the first four innings mustering only 1 hit and a couple of walks. Prince Fielder made a quick exit. After walking in the second inning he was replaced by Don Kelly who simply popped out of Prince's pocket to occupy the base (may not be true).

Jose Alvarez slid through the two innings unscathed. However in the third a base hit and two walks loaded the bases inducing Leyland to come out with the hook and send Alverez to an early exit.  Porcello took his place to face Giancarlo Stanton with the bases juiced. Porcello, while still boyishly handsome, promptly yielded a double to score three runs. Porcello got the final out of the third and pitched a scoreless forth but the damage had been done.

Tigers finally decided to try a little in the fifth inning. Avila walked (he does that) and Hernan Perez hit a solid single up the middle.  After Iglesias' fielder choice left runners at first and third, pinch hitter Victor Martinez flied out to left. This left it up to Austin Jackson who singled to center to score Avila opening up the Tom Koehler faucet and cutting the deficit to 3-1. Dirks struck out to end the rally, but hey, he tried really hard so you have to give him credit for that.

In the bottom of the fifth the majestic and mighty Luke Putkonen came in to mow down his adversaries with his unmitigated, frowning wrath. He lorded over the pitiful Marlins with his potent glum disdain.

Cabrera got his second base hit of the night in the sixth, however a crippled sloth probably could have stretched it into a double. Mercifully he was replaced by pinch runner Matt Tuiasosopo who scored one batter later when Jhonny Peralta doubled. Alex Avila then singled to right to place runners on first and third prompting moans of agony from Tigers fans claiming simultaneously that Jhonny was too slow to score and Tom Brookens is terrible at his job.

Luke Putkonen overwhelmed the Marlins in the bottom of the sixth with the power of a 1,000 frowning suns.

Nothing happened in the seventh inning.

Boring_1_medium

In the eighth inning nothing happe....WHOA! SWEET CATCH BY POLONCO! Placido leaps into the crowd to catch the ball, but he might have bumped the sides of his head because I see some swelling (jk, jk)

Mercifully the ninth inning rolled around and the Tigers had one last chance. The Marlins brought in their stud reliever Steve Cishek to close the deal, and close it he did. Avila caused a glimmer of hope with a lead-off single but Ramon Santiago struck out and Iglesias hit into a rather awkward looking double play to end the game anticlimactically.

This game sucked, but hey, no one broke anything!

WIN PROBABILITY GRAPH:

um...I don't know how to do this. HELP, I NEED A GROWN UP.

BULLETS:

- Tigers finished the game with 7 strikeouts to tie the Major League record for strikeouts by a team in a single season at 1,404.

- Luke Putkonen pitched two scoreless innings. If he isn't on the play off roster I'm going to be pissed.

- Jose Alverez had to exit with an acute case of the walks. This doesn't exactly bolster his post-season chances.

THREE ROARS:

- Miguel Cabrera: Even when noticeably hobbled and slower than prom queen's mind he still banged out a couple of hits. I suppose this proves his is dialed in. Can we get him some rest already?

- Jhonny Peralta: He didn't fall down and made a catch in the outfield. He also hit an RBI dhouble and hit the ball hard even on his outs.  It looks like Jhonny will make like his face and round into form.

- Hernan Perez made a studly back handed play in the eighth to save a run. Ranging far to his left he snatched the ball on one hop and gunned out the runner from short center.

THREE HISSES:

- Jhonny has got to find a way to score on Avila's hit. Not sure if it his him or Brookens who needs to wear that one.

- Tigers still look incapable of throwing out runners.

- This game was super boring. Have I mentioned that?

ROLL CALL:

Roll Call Info
Total comments 629
Total commenters 31
Commenter list BadCompany22, BigAl, DJ Screw, Dale S, Designated for Assignment, DetroitSports, HookSlide, J_the_Man, Jacob30, JerseyTigerFan, KGW, MSUDersh, NCDee, Nonsuch Ned, Phil Coke's Brain, RedWingedLigerFan, Rob Rogacki, SabreRoseTiger, SanDiegoMick, Singledigit, SpartanBoiler, SpartanHT, Tigerdog1, TomduhB, Verlanderful, XFizzle, frisbeepilot, josejose50, knucklescarbone, rbbaker, stevenyc
Story URLs

TOP TEN COMMENTERS:

# Commenter # Comments
1 SabreRoseTiger 82
2 stevenyc 77
3 SanDiegoMick 69
4 J_the_Man 64
5 SpartanHT 47
6 NCDee 35
7 Tigerdog1 28
8 Rob Rogacki 28
9 DJ Screw 24
10 TomduhB 20



TOP RECS:

# Recs Commenter Comment Link
4 Rob Rogacki Oh my
3 Dale S That's a pretty good Vin Scully costume
2 Dale S Is that Donny's ass again?
2 BadCompany22 We commented to keep our consecutive games streaks alive, but now we're resting for the playoffs
1 stevenyc It takes an audience of hundreds to hold us back
1 TomduhB *The Jersey Devil
1 Designated for Assignment In other news, Scott Boras has been named Cuba's deputy premier
1 Tigerdog1 I'll always love me some Polly
1 NCDee [no title]
1 SabreRoseTiger I still like the video of that thing synced up with the mountain climber music from the Price is Right

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