You probably don't want to think about the worst outcome of last night's game. No, it isn't that Jeremy Bonderman probably sealed his fate as a Big-Leaguer. No, it's not the horrors that spewed out of talk radio. It's not even that we had to witness Quintin Berry tearing into Detroit's bullpen last night, clapping his way right into Bostonians hearts.

Nope. All that we can reasonable gather from last night is that it's time to Porcello.

For those of you unaware of what Porcelloing is, I urge you to consult the Narrative, Volume XII (because, ya know, Roman numerals are official). What does it have to say?

Porcello-verb- to eradicate an outlier from a statistical sample of data.

Ex. Rogacki wished to Porcello out the times he picked Detroit to beat Anaheim this year.

Yeah, sounds about right.

The most famous case of Porcelloing statistics is none other than Rick Porcello. His season line of 11-8, 4.76 ERA is kind of bleh. Let's make it PRETTY!

Ok, let's subtract those (in)famous two starts against the Angels. We probably should add in that struggle in Baltimore, as well. On top of that, his start against Minnesota a few weeks ago needs to be deleted. Goodness knows last night has to go. So there. We have five starts* to Porcello away. Ready?

*Fun fact: Porcello has allowed 56.8% of his runs this year during those five starts. He's good most of the time, but when he's bad, he's bad.

Rick Porcello: 11-3, 3.12 ERA


What else can we Porcello on the Tigers? Besides the obvious, like taking away all games Detroit allows a run (1.000 winning percentage when they don't!), let's take away Prince Fielder's March and April and see what happens to his stats.

Prince Fielder: .271/.359/.448

Porcello'd Prince Fielder: .265/.331/.371

Ouch. Prince has been Don Kelly since May started. That's not a good stretch (hehehe) for him and is becoming a big (hohoho) problem.

Maybe we could go look at Jose Valverde and see how he did when he didn't blow a save?

Jose Valverde: 9/12 SVs, 5.59 ERA

The Porcello'd Potato: 9/9 SVs, 3.18 ERA

Well, well, well. Elimination of outliers can make even Jose Valverde look good! Isn't that something? Porcello'd is obviously the next big thing!

(Note: When you remember the quality of my FanPosts, please Porcello this one out of the whole.)

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the <em>Bless You Boys</em> writing staff.

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