FanPost

Losing My Mind

The Tigers are in a rough stretch of baseball. Rough stretches of baseball happen. The Indians are in a good stretch of baseball. Good stretches of baseball happen. There's probably nothing we can reasonably conclude about the two teams here, is there?

Well, I lived through 2009. Back in those days, we didn't believe anything was going to happen either. The Tigers would eventually pull it out, right? This continued all the way until the fateful (CENSORED).

Therefore, I know what a collapse looks like. I know what it smells like (Leyland's cigarette butts and Miggy's bottles of moonshine). I even know what it sounds like: Hawk Harrelson eating an extra-large bucket of theater popcorn whilst snuggled in somewhere, cackling gleefully at every run Phil Coke allows.

If there's another thing I know as a fan, it's that I always want to be the one who can say "I was the first to..."

"I was the first to think that Garcia might be better than Castellanos!"

"I was the first to think that Jhonny's 2013 might be tainted by steroids!"

"I was the first to think that WAR may be the greatest stat in the history of ever! I mean, completely useless! Somewhere in the middle!"

That's why here, on this ninth of September, 2013, I tell you all that the collapse is on. I swear to you on The Narrative that I have seen it coming. The tidal wave of the Indian attack will crash over us all and sweep us away to purgatories unknown in four whole years. There will be tears downtown. There will be anguished screams in bars across the state of Michigan, then casual glances away from the Lions game to the Tigers. There will be disbelief in the locker room, and spat cliches in the manager's office. This much I can tell you, for I have forseen it all.

The collapse is coming. Brace yourself.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the <em>Bless You Boys</em> writing staff.

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