FanPost

GGRG - Making Big Al's Life Easier

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

The purpose of Generic Game Recap Generator is to make it easier for Big Al to write up these games during the current Tiger a) funk b) implosion c) brief interlude of badness d) harbinger of total doom e) darkest hour before the dawn without wasting any more of his precious time than necessary.

BEGIN RECAP

"The Tigers lost again to (insert worthless AL Central Rival or whoever here) when (Insert pitching narrative option A or B here".

Pitching Narrative A: (non-Sanchez narrative)

Starter _________ (insert name) gave up X runs on Y hits in only Z 1/3 innings pitched while throwing over 275 pitches, continuing his sequence of poor starts. Evan Reed, Phil Coke, Ian Krol, Cory Knebel, Evil Knievel, Danny Worth, 50 cent, Victor Martinez, JD Martinez, Brennan Boesch, Robbie Ray, Fay Wray, and Don Kelly came in for mop up duties. The ghost of Mark Fidyrich pitched a 1-2-3 ninth, but by then the outcome was certain. The bullpen ERA soared to (insert ridiculous number here) while the FIP now exceeds the national debt and WHIP became an acronym for "What Happened to our Invincible Pitching?" After the game, insert probably Justin Verlander here said he was still working with his mechanics on his sports car engine.

Pitching Narrative B: (Sanchez narrative)

Anibal Sanchez spun another brilliant gem striking out 22 batters in only 6 innings of work (passed balls on strike 3 accounting for the discrepancy) on only 66 pitches. It was all for naught though as insert latest closer option here gave up an X-run homer to insert name of player closer had no business throwing a strike to in that situation in another deflating 9th inning loss.

Batting Narrative:

Only insert name here and insert name here had any success against insert name of castoff starter of other team here. The remainder of the lineup was 1 for 48 while going 0-11 with runners in scoring position. Insert name here did continue his hitting streak of 2 games when he reached on a meaningless bunt single in the ninth inning. After insert name of castoff starter was pulled in the 7th inning, insert nameless relief pitchers A,B, and C came in to shut the door on the Tiger offense. The Tigers left 28 men on base due to the fact that some players forgot to come back to the dugout after the inning was over.

Defensive Narrative:

The Tigers were again plagued by numerous errors and miscues. Insert Torii' Hunter's name here continued his quest to make Ryan Raburn look like the greatest right fielder in Tiger history by losing a fly ball in moon light. Numerous bad throws (that should have never been attempted) and missed DP chances betrayed starting pitcher (insert probably Rick Porcello here). Gene Lamont now has the assignment of standing on top of the dugout steps with a poster board that says "CUTOFF MAN".

Alex Avila narrative:

Alex Avila was hit by insert large number here of foul tips, bounced pitches, and/or backswings. After the game, Tiger manager Brad Ausmus said Avila's status is now "pitch-to-pitch" and added "He will appear riding in a US Army main battle tank for tomorrow's game". Ausmus also hinted that he (Ausmus) may begin splitting the catching duties with Victor Martinez, Don Kelly, and Bill Freehan.

Speed narrative:

Start a sentence with Rajai Davis and sprinkle in other players names with liberal uses of TOOTBLAN. Mention the fact that the Tigers have already stolen more bases than all of last year.

Roster move narrative:

After the game, the Tigers DFA'd (insert 3 players mentioned negatively in BYB game thread here plus Phil Coke) and announced that Omar Vizquel, Al Kaline, Willie Horton, and Mickey Lolich had been added to the 40-man roster.

Ausmus narrative:

"Things are not going well right now"

END RECAP

DISCARD POTG POLL

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the <em>Bless You Boys</em> writing staff.

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