With the Tigers' recent woes and the Royals' recent hot streak, the formers find themselves with only a half-game lead over the latters in the American League Central. The two teams play each other tonight, and that means that there is a possibility that the Tigers will be in second place in less than 12 hours.
Such a catastrophe has not struck this part of the country in nearly a full calendar year. It's important to review your preparedness plan today in the event that the unthinkable were to happen.
Beware. There will be doom. There will be trolls. There will be hair-pulling, hand-wringing, name-calling, and binge-drinking. In order to assure your family's safety, here are some steps you should follow in the aftermath of a disaster:
- Remain calm. Staying calm and rational will help you avoid arguments or bans caused by irrational behavior. Many people will be trying to convince you to get angry in the wake of The Second Place Disaster. Patience will help everyone get through a difficult situation more easily.
- Address your surroundings. Identify possible threats. Avoid walls, doors, and other hard objects as you may have an impulse to strike them and injure yourself. If you are in a public place with other Tigers fans, you are at risk of physical harm. Get to your home calmly and safely. If your are driving when Second Place strikes, safely pull the vehicle to the side of the road, turn off the radio, and collect yourself before proceeding calmly.
- Remain calm. Second Place may cause you to become upset. Staying calm will allow you to make it through this difficult time with your health intact.
- Bring all pets into the house. Rogue Tigers fans may be roaming your neighborhood looking for small animals to kick.
- Watch for flying debris and damaged structures. Remember, Second Place can cause incredible damage and down power lines, rupture gas lines, and and put structures in danger of collapse. Be careful, both immediately after and when you try to clean up the damage.
- Remain calm. This is no time to freak out.
- Contact your loved ones and make a plan to meet at a secure location. Your family may be struggling to cope in the wake of Second Place and may need your guidance.
- Check for damage in your home. Second Place can cause extensive damage, usually by influencing human hands to throw or strike objects involuntarily. Look carefully for any potential hazards.
- Remain calm. This team still has Miguel Cabrera.
- Understand the standings. Second Place is a specific emergency, and should be addressed in a specific way. It is not the same as Third Place, Fourth Place, or Last Place, and should not be reacted to in the same manner.
- Understand the timing. Second Place in June is not the same as Second Place in September. This information should be incorporated into your preparedness plan.
- Remain. Calm. There are dozens of games left to play.
- DO NOT listen to local radio or visit news sites. If you must consume Tigers content, do so within the friendly confines of Bless You Boys or the Fox Sports Detroit postgame show. Your life may be at risk elsewhere.
- Stay at least 50 feet from your uncle. You know the one — he tried to convince you that Justin Verlander should be moved to the bullpen last year. He may try to call you. Don't answer. He thinks Verlander should be moved to the 'pen again.
- REMAIN CALM. The season is not over, and falling to Second Place does not indicate the inability to win another game.
- Don't leave the house. There's nothing for you out there but doom and danger. Doomanger.
- Control your alcohol consumption. Second Place may influence you to use a depressant to control your mood. Some alcohol is fine, but drinking in excess can cause you to hurt yourself or others, and more importantly it may cause you to not remain calm.