I'm not writing a recap of whatever that thing was the Tigers did at Kauffman Stadium today.  Just so you know.  Earlier this evening, I told myself that maybe I should write a recap because a lot of people probably didn't get to see the game while at work.  But here's the thing: I didn't watch much of it either.  Not once I saw the Tigers fall behind  3-0 in the first inning.  And once I saw the final score, I was not about to put myself through that - even if I could whiz through the commercials, DVR-style.

After two games in which Detroit received the sort of starting pitching that should've resulted in two wins, if not for an inexplicable lack of offense, Kenny Rogers just crumbled out there today.  Maybe the weight of having to carry the pitching staff - a burden he's hardly suited for anymore - finally broke him.  Or maybe he figured that he wouldn't get any run support today, anyway, so why not just chuck the ball up there and see what happens?

Seven Royals runs on 11 hits is what happened.  In four innings.  To a Kansas City lineup that had Alex Gordon, Mark Grudzielanek, and David DeJesus on the bench.  But I'm not writing a recap.

So what are we talking about here?  The Detroit Tigers, the team that generated so much hope and excitement for us throughout the winter and spring, are now nine games under .500.  They were seven games under when Tigers fans began pulling their hair, ran into the streets screaming, and contemplated ledges and bridges to jump from.  Some of us suddenly felt major doubt.  Others wondered if it was now horrifyingly apparent that this team had made some major mistakes in player acquisitions.  And the Tigers haven't gotten any better since then.  Record-wise, they're now worse.  Are any of these guys your Tiger right now?

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Locally in Tiger Town, fans have already zeroed in on a few punching bags this season, two of whom have been given their walking papers.  Gary Sheffield doesn't raise exactly the same level of ire, though it's been close a few times.  But the only way he's going anywhere is if he decides he's had enough.  Plus, he not only has a track record to give him some benefit of the doubt, but has shown some signs of turning himself around. 

The national baseball media, however, seems to have lined up a different target in its crosshairs.  Perhaps it's because he's the physically biggest one, or because his new contract shows up fastest on the radar.  Or maybe people just can't resist poking him in the belly like the Pillsbury dough boy to see if he giggles.  Whatever the reason, Miguel Cabrera is being singled out as a major reason the Detroit Tigers are playing so far below expectations. 

First, Tom Verducci called him "an overweight slug" at SI.com this week.  Then along came Jayson Stark, who posted some choice quotes from a couple of scouts for his "Rumblings and Grumblings" column at ESPN.com yesterday.  (Hat tip to The Daily Fungo for steering me in this direction.)

First, here's what Stark had to say about Cabrera himself:

[...] the surprise is that Cabrera has been: (a) an offensive disappointment, (b) such a defensive disaster at third base that he had to be shifted to first within three weeks, and (c) so lackadaisical that players on other teams are privately questioning whether he flicked on his cruise-control switch after signing an eight-year, $153.3-million contract this spring.

"I expected him to come in there and be superman," said one scout.  "He's been anything but that."

Definitely a body blow.  But here comes the roundhouse right from another major league scout:

"For $150 million, you'd like to at least see him run a ball out.  I watched him for a week, and I think there was one ball all week where he tried to extend himself.  That was a double-play ball, and he was still like 4.8 [seconds] getting down the line.   On a routine ground ball, he's 5.2, maybe 5.1.  It's ridiculous to even pull the clock out."

Believe me, I'm not going to suddenly turn around and say that the Tigers should've waited a season before trying to sign Cabrera to a long-term contract.  (And I'm not quite there with Mike McClary, who wonders if Detroit might have buyer's remorse.)  But isn't this the inherent risk in giving a player a ballpark full of money, especially at such a young age?  As frustrating as it is, it's also kind of understandable.  When you work and fight so hard to put up the kind of numbers that enable you to cash in, isn't it natural to ease off once you've been rewarded? 

Jim Leyland has already criticized Cabrera for not focusing during each at-bat.  And he's been working him out personally, along with his other coaches, to try and make him as good a first baseman as possible.  And maybe not just because Leyland thinks he can be a good one, but because they really can't afford for him to be a DH for the remaining seven years of his contract. 

This could be a season-long project for the Tigers.  And not just for the coaching staff, but perhaps also for Cabrera's fellow Venezuelans, Carlos Guillen and Magglio Ordonez, both of whom he presumably looks up and pays attention to.  If they haven't been already, it's time to exert some leadership.

A picture of someone vomiting might have been more appropriate for tonight's recap.  Although the act of vomiting is rather violent.  And though some Tigers fans might feel that way right now (Watch out, small animals!), this game seemed to inspire more of an arms-folded disgust.

Was it entirely predictable that the Tigers would follow up a game in which they scored 10 runs and knocked 18 hits with a flaccid one-run, six-hit performance?  I'm not saying that this lineup should've done more against Josh Beckett, because he was quite good tonight, striking out eight batters.  What I am saying is that more - much more - is expected.

Justin Verlander didn't throw a very good game.  You're just not going to beat many teams giving up five runs and nine hits.  But how about scoring some runs for the guy?  Verlander deserves to be under .500 with the way he's pitched this season.  But if he gets any kind of run support, he's not dragging around a 1-6 record.  Maybe that's irrelevant tonight, but don't you wonder if the tiny margin of error his team provides is getting to him?  I imagine Verlander sometimes feels as if he has to throw the ball through a toilet paper tube.

By the way, has Kevin Youkilis officially been fitted for his Tigers Killer jacket?  Because he's definitely in the club now, after hitting yet another home run against Detroit.

Curtis Granderson is 0-for-10 over the last two games, with seven strikeouts.  He batted 2-for-18 in this series, striking out in eight of those at-bats.  Miguel Cabrera batted 2-for-14.  (And we'll have more on him tomorrow, though The Daily Fungo has a head start on us.)  Magglio Ordonez hit 4-for-16 with one RBI.

While enduring his weekly conversation with Rob Parker, the Detroit News' Tom Gage brought up Sparky Anderson's old adage that you couldn't judge a team until it's played 40 games.  Well, the Tigers have played 36 of them and are five games under .500.  Bear with me because I was an English major, but even if the Tigers win their next four (and how confident do you feel about that?), they'll be one game under .500 at the 40-game mark.

Maybe we should save ourselves the trouble and pass judgment now.

Roll Call

The Tigers didn't make it worthwhile to see this game through, but here are those who chimed in before it just became a slog.

Thanks to BigAl, pfuhrmeister, ThaWalrus9, miggy4mvp, rock n rye, LosTigres, tbliggins, Tigsfan, dettigionswings'stons, Matt in Toledo, and Tony K for being willing to have their hopes crushed.

I thought about going with a picture of a broom tonight.  And it would certainly be appropriate with the Tigers finishing off a sweep (the word I just couldn't say earlier tonight) at Yankee Stadium, something they haven't done in 42 years. 

But I'm going with Popeye flexing here, because the hometown nine showed off some impressive muscle this evening, giving Nate Robertson the type of run support he hasn't typically received during his Tigers career.  And Nate needed the help after a rough first inning.  But much like Jeremy Bonderman did last night, Robertson pulled himself together and kept the Tigers in the game until they could bring the thunder.

That came in the third inning when Detroit's bats finally caught up to what Ian Kennedy was serving, began hitting him hard to the opposite field, and sent Bobby Abreu backpedaling and spinning around.  Magglio Ordonez barely missed a home run, settling for a double, while Miguel Cabrera tripled, bringing in a combined three runs.  In Cabrera's case, that drive to right field was merely a preview of deeper blasts to come. 

Maybe the most unexpected muscle, however, came from the substitute shortstop.  With a career average of .234/.299/.313, we know that Ramon Santiago stays in the major leagues because of his glove.  But so far this year, when he's been able to get a few at-bats in a game this season, Santiago is swinging a strong stick, too.  He went 2-for-4 tonight, and stroked the biggest hit of the night with a sixth-inning triple to the right-center gap that brought in the two decisive runs.  Somebody's eating his spinach.  And he now has a .375 batting average to show for it.

Cabrera finished off the gun show with a two-run homer in the seventh, pushing the Tigers to their best showing in the Bronx since 1966. 

Closing Thoughts:

• Matt came up with a fantastic nickname for Francisco Cruceta, who made his long-awaited Tigers debut in the ninth inning.  I hope he makes it stick, and we'll certainly do all we can to help with that.  Cruceta wasn't electrifying, so no cape yet, but that was probably too much to expect.  Despite walking the leadoff batter (prompting Todd Jones to warm up), he didn't allow any runs or hits. 
  
• I think Bleed Cubbie Blue warned us about this when the Tigers first acquired Jacque Jones, but man, his arm in left field stinks. 
  

No need for a long recap tonight, is there?  This one was all about the long ball.  The Tigers' bats finally look like they're shaking off that early spring chill.  Initially, the only problem was that the home runs came with no one on base.  Gary Sheffield, Magglio Ordonez, and Carlos Guillen each hit solo shots to put Detroit on the scoreboard.  But Justin Morneau struck a big blow in the sixth with a two-run blast off Nate Robertson.  That seemed like it might be the decisive moment of the game, until the fans at Comerica Park finally got an idea of why Miguel Cabrera is expected to be Detroit's Next Top Baseball Superstar.

As you probably know (unless you tried to shield yourself from the ugly truth), Cabrera came into the game batting .205/.300/.318 with one home run and three RBIs.  But with three hits in his previous two games, maybe it was finally starting to heat up.  Tonight, it all came together when both Cabrera and his team probably needed it most.  With Ordonez on second base, Cabrera sent a 1-2 pitch from Jesse Crain into the Tigers bullpen.  And for the second straight night, Detroit called it a comeback. 

If there's a pun, I suppose it's intended, but isn't it a relief to see the other team's bullpen cough up two games in a row?  (Let's not talk about Todd Jones giving up that deep fly to Delmon Young which Ryan Raburn kept in the park, but couldn't quite keep in his glove...)

Two-game series or not, a sweep is a sweep.  And winning their first series of the season comes at a great time, with the Tigers heading to Cleveland for the next two games.  How might that AL Central race look by Friday?

Last week, the Tigers only managed two hits against Brian Bannister, and today, all they could muster was four hits off Daisuke Matsuzaka.  Kenny Rogers, Detroit's starting pitcher in both of those games, might now be wondering whether or not he puts his lineup to sleep. 

Maybe he has that grandfatherly effect on his teammates, like how your eyelids might get heavy when your grandpa tells you the story of how he came to choose the particular pickled bologna he just sliced for you.  He used to like to go to that grocery store closer to the condo, but their deli just doesn't have that much selection.  All they have is turkey.  Why all the turkey?  The only time he really eats turkey is on Thanksgiving.  And even then, he prefers to get it from that one farm up north because their birds are free-range, so they taste better.  But anyway, he found a place on the west side of town that has a great deli.  All kinds of bologna.  Mortadella.  The German stuff with the garlic.  And pickled!  They had four different kinds, and the butcher was nice enough to let him try each one, until he finally found the one he liked.  A good, strong one that can stand up to a spicy mustard and that rye bread your grandmother found at the farmer's market.  Say, are you getting enough sleep?  Because you look kind of tired...

To me, the Tigers looked lethargic out there today.  Maybe it was the after-effects of sitting through the Red Sox's World Series ring ceremony, one in which Boston championship teams from other sports also participated.  Or perhaps that creeping feeling of resignation sunk in once it became clear that Rogers really didn't have his good stuff today, giving up four hits and two walks in his first two innings. 

Detroit had that same listlessness in the field, too.  Or was it that the Tigers were trying too hard to make a play once they fell behind?  In the third inning, Placido Polanco made his first error in 186 games when he tried to throw out Manny Ramirez (who should've been out after gazing admiringly at his long drive to center field) at third base, but skipped the ball in the dirt.  One inning later,  Miguel Cabrera committed an error of his own.  And once again, Carlos Guillen looked as if he'd just been moved over from shortstop to first base, standing in the baseline and straddling the bag, putting himself in a position where the runner may have prevented him from scooping up a low throw.  Had Guillen ever looked this lost in the previous games he'd played at first base?  I certainly don't recall it. 

Unfortunately, going on the road doesn't seem to have changed a thing.  This team is still in the same malaise they slogged through last week at Comerica Park.  Maybe Jim Leyland should consider locking his players in the visiting clubhouse with the fearsome, mouse-devouring Fenway hawk.  If that hasn't crossed his mind yet, it probably should.

  Check out this quote on the Tigers from Dan Graziano's Sunday Notes column in the Newark Star-Ledger:

"They look real slow," said the scout, requesting anonymity because of the protocol that prohibits members of his profession from publicly discussing players on other teams.  "If they're not hitting home runs, it's going to be tough for them to do much in terms of manufacturing runs, because it's all station-to-station."

The same scout acknowledged, however, that Curtis Granderson's return would bring some speed back to the lineup.

  At Tiger Tales, Lee writes a reassuring post about the Tigers' poor start.  But I'm hoping it's the last of the "bad starts don't mean bad seasons" posts and articles that we've been seeing over the past few days.

  Were the Tigers "disinterested" in their three games against Kansas City?  That's the adjective Mike Boddicker used when the Boston Globe's Nick Cafardo asked him about the Royals' impressive start.

  There's a bit of gloating in Chris De Luca's recall of the White Sox backing off their pursuit of Miguel Cabrera when the Marlins insisted that Dontrelle Willis also be included in any such deal.

When the White Sox were talking trade with the Florida Marlins to land power-hitting third baseman Miguel Cabrera, they balked at demands that they must take Willis in the package. Sox scouts had noticed a major dip in Willis' velocity last season, and the Sox had no interest.

  Blame it all on Rodney?  Jon Paul Morosi points out how much one injured shoulder can make an offseason strategy suddenly fall apart.

  Reminding me that I really should get around to typing up some previews and predictions (I think I said the exact same thing last year), Big Al has posted his multi-part preview of the 2008 Detroit Tigers at The Wayne Fontes Experience.

Part One covers the starting outfield and designated hitter, Part Two looks at the starting infield and catcher, and Part Three is about the starting pitching.  I'm going to presume that a Part Four is soon to come.

  Also posting a Tigers preview - and doing it for the fourth consecutive year - is the Mickey Tettleton Memorial Overpass.  And no one writes a mind-emptying preview like Beefshower.  Go over there to have your brain melted, not just because you think he'll eventually be a rich lawyer.  The man is a local treasure.

  At Take 75 North, Matt looks at the Clete Thomas-Dane Sardinha roster conundrum and breaks down how the Tigers' minor league outfield situation would shake out if Thomas ends up with Detroit on Opening Day.

  Are the baseball pundits and prognosticators looking more favorably toward the Cleveland Indians than the Detroit Tigers, in lieu of the pitching problems they've shown this spring?  The Detroit News' Vartan Kupelian and Mike O'Hara say yes.

  The New York Times' Tyler Kepner left the Tigers out of his AL playoff picks (opting for the Indians to win the Central and the Angels for the Wild Card), yet predicts Miguel Cabrera win the AL MVP award.  Four days later, however, Kepner finds himself questioning those AL predictions, based on recent developments.

  FOX Sports' Ken Rosenthal, meanwhile, thinks Cabrera and Magglio Ordonez will split voters' MVP votes, thus costing the Tigers' newly rich superstar third baseman a trophy for his man's room.

  As Sam Mellinger predicted would happen in yesterday's interview (Have you read it yet, Zappatista?), the Kansas City Royals have sent former Tigers pitcher Mike Maroth down to Triple-A Omaha.  Even if the Royals hadn't already been leaning that way, Maroth didn't help his case by giving up five runs in three innings in his final start of the spring.