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Kenny Rogers is Figuring Out This Agent Thing

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After Kenny Rogers fired Scott Boras going into last weekend, it stood to reason that he'd work out a new contract with the Detroit Tigers relatively quickly, maybe even early in the following week. But here we are on Tuesday night, and Rogers is still a free agent, while the Tigers still have a gaping hole in the middle of their starting rotation.

So what's the hold-up? Well, it seems that Rogers needs to figure this whole agent thing out:

"I did speak with Dave just to let him know I need to get up to speed on my new job, so I need some time to do so," Rogers wrote Tuesday morning in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

That was a joke, son - you missed it. At least that's what Jon Paul Morosi thinks, calling Rogers' remark a "quip." Okay, we'll give Rogers the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he wants this to be a work-free week going into the Thanksgiving holiday. Who can't get down with that, right?

But maybe there's some truth to this. As Janis Joplin once sang, "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose." Now that Rogers doesn't have an agent, maybe he wanted to get some of that cool agent gear for himself. Like a briefcase. Or one of those Bluetooth headsets. A sleek Italian suit. Or a sleek Italian sports car. Maybe a new, slicked-back hairdo to cap off the whole look. Anyway, all that stuff doesn't just appear after pushing a button. You have to shop for it. So Rogers might need some time for that.

Dude probably needs an office, too. And does that mean he needs to call a realtor to find some space? Man, oh man - he probably needs an agent to take care of that stuff for him. Oh, wait a minute.

Maybe he also has to hire a secretary. Or he could just get a fax machine, and send in the contract proposals that way. Wait - who knows how to use that thing? Do you feed in the paper first or dial the number? Why don't we have those "inbox" and "outbox" baskets? And what in the hell does someone have to do to get a cup of coffee around here?

So as you might imagine, it's possible that Rogers is dealing with a lot right now. In other words, he'll get back to you about that whole contract thing, Dave Dombrowski. After he figures out whether or not he has to dial a "9" to get an outside line.