Have your eyes recovered from looking at those red Atlanta Braves jerseys last night? For the love of Tonto, those are terrible. My eyes! My eyes! I've been spending most of the morning with a cool, aloe-soaked cloth wrapped around my sizzled optic regions. (And that really makes typing this post out quite incredible, if you think about it.)
Was that Fernando Rodney in the bullpen last night or Phil Spector? Is that what happens when you take those braids out? Great googaly moogaly, man! (I suppose I should've already known that from Randy Moss.) Poof!
I'm sure that hair needs to breathe, but consider that women and children are in the ballpark, Fernando.
(Should I have gone for a Sideshow Bob reference there? Maybe comparing Rodney to someone currently on trial for murder wasn't my best idea.)
Hey, did you know John Schuerholz almost traded for Barry Bonds once? I didn't, but I'm sure glad Jon Miller and Joe Morgan took up almost two entire innings asking the Braves' GM about it. Never mind that a baseball game was being played in front of them.
Yeah, yeah - there's a ball hit to shortstop. Wow - Bonds wanted to sign with the Braves as a free agent? Why didn't you get that done, broham?
I'm not saying that wasn't an interesting tidbit. Atlanta almost had the soon-to-be career home run leader? Not once, but twice? And Bonds almost played for the same team as Hank Aaron? Okay, I want to hear about that. But after the what, how, and why of it, what was left?
Miller and Morgan, however, wouldn't let go of it. You signed Greg Maddux instead of Bonds? Man, I wouldn't have done that. Give me the everyday player. And how exactly was Schuerholz supposed to answer Miller's questions about what would've happened if Bonds had signed with the Braves?
"Well, Jon - I think our club would've hit more home runs."
"Well, Jon - I'm sure we would've seen Pedro Gomez more often in our clubhouse."
"Well, Jon - it would've been a little tense between Barry and Hank at team picnics, let me tell you."
I'm just saying the ESPN Sunday Night crew needs to give the Tigers some equal time next week. Maybe two innings with Dave Dombrowski talking about how that Neifi Perez deal came together last season.
I don't want to hear about the Pittsburgh Pirates looking to trade for Jarrod Saltalamacchia. If that's true, Detroit needs to get on that. But if the asking price is a "front line" (which I assume means "major league") starting pitcher, maybe that's a little rich for the Tigers' blood.