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Buy Me Some Burgers and a Heart Attack... ?

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Is ballpark food a quintessential part of the baseball experience? Some might say no. I mean, we go for the games, not the food, right?

But food can definitely add to your enjoyment, and the offerings at the concession stands can give the ballpark an identity and reflect its home city. I certainly remember the barbecue I had at both Kauffman Stadium and Camden Yards, or the "Dixie Dog" (pimento cheese and chili) and "River Dog" (cole slaw and chili) I've eaten at Charleston River Dogs games.

This is actually one of my problems with Comerica Park. Do they serve any food that's distinctly Detroit? Is any of the food particularly memorable, in any regard?

But I've gotten off track here. The main point of this post was to point out the food offerings that will be available at West Michigan Whitecaps games this year, according to MLive.com. The menu includes chicken sliders on pretzel buns, funnel cake fries, and chocolate-dipped frozen bananas. But then, there's this monstrosity:

The Fifth Third burger, a monstrosity of five beef patties weighing five-thirds of a pound, dressed with sliced Spam, sausage gravy, fried eggs and a gigantic pickle, looked like a cartoonist's dish in a Dr. Seuss book.

Who was the comedian that said the most popular hamburger topping these days is more meat? The name escapes my mind now, and Google isn't helping me. But if this thing is sponsored by Fifth Third Bank, do you get a free checking account with a heart attack? Maybe a defibrilator, if you open a savings account? How about just a free cholesterol screening with purchase?

So is this enough to pull you out to Comstock Park this summer? Catch some baseball with your monster burger? Maybe the Whitecaps can expect a visit from Adam Richman for the Travel Channel's "Man vs. Food."

Here's a little bit more (with video) from MLive's "Going Gonzo" blog.

Best ballpark food you've had? And what are we missing at the CoPa?