Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT REAL! If you are unaware of what the SB Nation Mock GM Winter Meetings are, read this.
Fake GM Rob Rogacki had this to say:
"We were reluctant to part with Rick, as we think he still has a lot of potential for growth within our system, but frankly, we were blown away by the offer given to us by the Fake Rockies. We have been a fan of Fake Michael Cuddyer for a long time and we are excited to see what Fake Jordan Pacheco can bring to the table."
"We had several offers on the table for Fake Porcello, but we think that both Fake Cuddyer and Fake Pacheco bring an element of versatility that other players don't have. Fake Cuddyer can play either corner outfield positions, as well as third base or second base. Fake Pacheco gives us some nice depth at both corner infield positions, and we're not going to rule out any chances of him catching some games for us either."
Fake manager Jim Leyland was unavailable for comment.
Fake Cuddyer, 33, is due $10.5 million in both 2013 and 2014. Fake Pacheco will be arbitration eligible after the 2014 season.