In order to properly assess the Tigers' managerial search, we need access to Dave Dombrowski's office and the clubhouse. We don't have that. In fact, our managing editor is already dealing with snow up at the North Pole or thereabouts. Instead, we're going to judge managerial candidates based on five factors -- likelihood of bunting, bullpen management, willingness to berate umpires, emotion, and mustache quality. How will these factors be rated? On a scale of one to ten LEYLANDS, of course.
Truth be told, Ozzie Guillen is the one guy I do not want to see with the Tigers organization next season. However, I'd be neglecting my professional duties if I didn't at least rate him on our patented LEYLAND scale.
Likelihood of bunting: 10 out of 10 LEYLANDS
From 2004 to 2011, Guillen's White Sox had the most sacrifice hits in the American League, with 360. The Tigers were third, at 344.
Bullpen management: 0 out of 10 LEYLANDS
I'm not even really sure what the LEYLANDS mean in this particular category anymore, but Guillen deserves a zero somewhere.
Willingness to berate umpires: 7 out of 10 LEYLANDS
Guillen has seen his fair share of ejections as a manager, but I can't rightfully give him anything higher than a 7 when he's competing with Lloyd McClendon's base-stealing episode.
Emotion: 10 out of 10 LEYLANDS
Not the same type of emotion as our beloved Jim Leyland, but it's hard to give Guillen anything less.
Mustache quality: 3 out of 10 LEYLANDS
He has one, but that's about all you can say about it.
Summary: 6 out of 10 LEYLANDS
We might need to re-think the scoring on this scale...