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MLB news: Grant Balfour signs with O's, Michael Morse joins Giants

More rapid-fire relays of the latest MLB headlines and the presumed stories behind them.

David Manning-USA TODAY Sports

Another day, another round of MLB headlines, which is really quite amazing considering that the baseball world has been fairly quiet lately. Still, the writers bravely soldier on, generating paragraphs and tantalizing headlines to keep us clicking and reading, and on and on it will go until there's some actual baseball happening.

Here are the latest headlines from today's various sources, along with what I assume are the salient points of interest in each story.

O's, closer Balfour reportedly agree to deal

We just won't talk about the unfortunate incident where they made Balfour show them his "O" face.

Cubs reportedly ink Veras to one-year deal

Rumor has it there's a really enticing "no grand slams" incentive in the contract. Wait, are you ... ? Are those tears? Are you seriously crying?

Morse excited to officially join Giants

At least, we think he's excited. His press release was just a bunch of dots and dashes.

Head of the class: Who had best 2013 draft?

It was down to Sam Adams, Leinenkugel, and Foster's, but after several hours of "deliberation," everyone either passed out or forgot what the question was. Does anyone happen to know the WAR (Wheats Above Rye) numbers for Killian's?

Which Roberts are the Yankees getting?

No, seriously, does anyone know? None of the paperwork mentions a first name, and there are like, a zillion "Roberts" entries in the phone book. Will the fallout from the Robinson Cano departure never end?

2B Infante to help Royals take 'next step'

The idea here is to finish only four games out of first place in 2014, instead of seven. (Notice how I deftly avoided the obvious "Infante/baby steps" joke here. We all deserve better than that.)

Which MLB player would make the best 25-man roster of clones?

Obviously, this entire article is just a repeated copy-and-paste of some player's name. A sample: "Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera Miguel Cabrera."

So what do you think Justin Verlander is doing, right this minute?