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Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas- Merry Christmas from Tigerdog.

Donald Miralle


Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the Blog
Not a Writer was stirring
Except Tigerdog

The shopping was done
The roster was set
But Tigerdog knew
There was one thing to get

Then down from the basement
There arose such a clatter
Dombrowski went down
To see what was the matter

I sat at my desk in the cellar, all frantic
"Gosh dammit Dave, what are these antics?
We’ve won the division three years in a row
We had a great team, but you let them all go"

"Gone Jhonny, Gone Omar, Gone Joaquin and Fister
Gone Veras, and Tui and Bondo and Pena
You sold little Miggy and traded away Prince
I look at this roster, and it just makes me wince"

"You gutted the bullpen, and just for a joke
You extended Don Kelly and even Phil Coke
The lineup, rotation, and pen are all worse
It’s been thirty years, this must be a curse"

"Now look", said Dombrowski, "it’s under control
I know what I’m doing, so don’t be a troll
The players I traded had started to age
And we had to get younger, so I just turned the page’

‘Avi was shaggin, and I don’t mean flies
So we swapped him for Iggy, who’ll be a surprise
I’m tired of players who are too fat to run
So I got us some speedsters, and they’re gonna be fun’

‘The budget has limits, so I had to cut back
It’s all gonna work, so cut me some slack
You have no idea, it’s tough being me
You don’t know the grief that Ilitch gives me"

"We have a rotation, the best in the league
And for all you know, I might get Yasiel Puig!
As for relievers, well you needn’t worry
They’re on sale after Christmas- like Jose Valverde"

I started to calm as I listened to Dave
Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem from my cave
Perhaps the Tigers can’t be bought in the store
Maybe Dombrowski knows a little bit more

"Just one more thing, Dave...
What should I write?"
He just smiled and said "Merry Christmas"
As he turned out the light