The Arbitary 30: BYB's week seven MLB Power Rankings

Welcome to the latest edition of The Arbitrary 30, Bless You Boys' weekly MLB Power Rankings! Please keep in mind The Arbitrary 30 is 25% serious, 75% poking fun at teams and 100% 77.25% biased.

1. St. Louis Cardinals (2): Zipping right along with one of the best records in baseball and 8-2 in their last ten, but the big story has been Shelby Miller's breakout season. Last Friday, Miller pitched what will end up as one of the most remarkable games of 2013 against the Rockies, allowing a broken bat lead off single, then retiring the 27 batters he faced.
2. New York Yankees (10): Joba Chamberlain shushed Mariano Rivera, causing a New York media firestorm over a complete non-story calling for Joba's head on a pike. Back in the 70's, the Bronx Zoo Yankees would fight in the dugout on national TV, and it was just boys being boys. Things sure have changed, not always for the better.
3. San Francisco Giants (3): After an 0-2, 6.49 first month of the season the question was, "What's wrong with Matt Cain?" The answer? Not a damn thing. Cain is 2-0, 1.76 in May.
4. Texas Rangers (5): Running away with the weak sauce West, the Rangers are still sorting out their rotation. Rookie starter Justin Grimm was AL rookie of the month for April, posting a 1.59 ERA while going 2-0. His May has been something else entirely, 0-3, 7.02. Grimm gets the start for the Rangers against the Tigers Saturday night.
5. Boston Red Sox (4): Coming back to earth after their smoking hot start, the Red Sox won't be getting help from Daniel Bard any time soon. Terms like "rock bottom" are being thrown about after his last outing in Double-A was Bruce Rondon-esque,only eight of 30 pitches thrown for strikes.
   
6. Baltimore Orioles (6): No pitcher, even more so a closer, is perfect. Jim Johnson blew his first regular season save since last July on Tuesday. Shows just how freakish Jose Valverde's 2011 was in retrospect.
   
7. Washington Nationals (9): Bryce Harper ran into an outfield wall face first and still suffers from nausea two days later. Manager Davey Johnson, noted head injury expert, says there is no concussion: "I wasn’t worried about the concussion. He got hit on the chin. Nobody gets a concussion from getting hit on the chin. You might get knocked out." I'm guessing Johnson also said, "Rub some dirt on it and walk it off" after he was helped off the field in a daze. Someone needs to tell Johnson to shut up and educate Harper on the short career of Pete Reiser.
8. Cleveland Indians (13): Have to give major kudos to the Tribe. To make up games postponed with the Yankees on April 10-11, rather than screw over fans with a day-night twin bill, they scheduling a Monday single admission double header. It's the Indians' first old school double header since 1992.
   
9. Pittsburgh Pirates (17): Finally becoming a good team, the Pirates' .575 win percentage would have them in first place in four of MLB's six divisions and only be percentage points back of the Tigers in the AL Central, But in their own division, the NL East? They are in third place, 3 1/2 games back of the Cardinals. Darn the baseball luck.
10. Detroit Tigers (1): Too bad the Astros are off the schedule. The Tigers are 16-16 against teams not from Houston.
11. Arizona Diamondbacks (15): Kirk Gibson's D-Backs are over .500 and into second place in the West. Much of their upswing can be put on the shoulders of Paul Goldschmidt, who has gone berserker in May, hitting .400/.463/.844 for the month.
    
12. Cincinnati Reds (11): Shin-Soo Choo has yet to cool off in the walk year of his contract, leading the NL in OBP with .465 and OPS at 1.054. Players take note, this is how to lay ground work for your impending free agency.
    
13. Colorado Rockies (14): A few weeks ago career .270 hitter Dexter Fowler was carrying the Rockies, leading them in almost every offensive stat, hitting .305/.411/.621 in April.. But as April turns to May? He's in a horrific slump, hitting .128/.227/.154. Proving once again you are never quite as good or as bad as you look.
14. Atlanta Braves (8): Mired in another losing streak, the Braves are somehow clinging to first place in the East despite playing .357 ball in May. Remember when Gerald Laird left the Tigers looking for more playing time? With the emergence of Evan Gattis and the return of Brian McCann, Laird is down to third on the Braves' catching depth chart. Best laid plans, as they say...
15. Kansas City Royals (12): Another team slowly coming back to earth after a strong start, the Royals are 3-7 in their last ten. When you play Jeff Francoeur every day, you reap what you sow.
    
16. Oakland Athletics (7): After a great April, the Athletics have fallen under .500 with a 4-10 May. Compounding things is (MVP candidate going into 2013) Yoenis Cespedes' sophomore slump, hitting .204/.270/.435. At least in April Cespedes was hitting for power. He's not longer doing that, shown by a .585 OPS for May.
    
17. Minnesota Twins (16): For those who rage at Jim Leyland for his batting orders, keep in mind managers are the same all over baseball. Ron Gardenhire has used Brian Dozier as his lead off man more than half the time. Dozier's OBP in 2013 is .258.
    
18. Tampa Bay Rays (21): Fernando Rodney has broke out his good luck charm this week, the legendary Magic Plantain. He needs it with an ERA of 5.28, having blown three saves and losing two in 16 games. Rodney's return to normalcy after a one season outlier is more proof relief pitchers are fungible.
19. Seattle Mariners (23): Mariners' shortstops Brendan Ryan and Robert Andino have combined to hit .121 with a .318 OPS. NL pitchers are hitting 124 with a .323 OPS. Makes you appreciate Jhonny Peralta, doesn't it?
    
20. Philadelphia Phillies (20): Hovering a few games under .500, but are only 3 1/2 back of the Braves without an injured Roy Halladay. It's worth noting Halladay, who had shoulder surgery Wednesday, apologized to Phillies fans for his recent performance. Which proves Halladay is too good for loutish Philly sports fans.
    
21. New York Mets (18): Rick Ankiel is moving up in the world. Well, moving up in the standings, anyway. DFA'd by the lowly 11-30 Astros, the rifle-armed outfielder was picked up by the 14-23 Mets and immediately installed him a center field platoon. The move says volumes about both teams, neither particularly good.
22. Milwaukee Brewers (19): In midst of a downward spiral sending them into last place in the NL Central, the Brewers are preparing for the future by offering their remarkable 23 year old shortstop Jean Segura a long-term contract. Contract extensions buying out arbitration and early years of free agency is the new black.
23. San Diego Padres (27): There is some bad baseball being played in Chicago. There is some seriously bad baseball being playing in Southern California. The Padres are run of the mill, a few games under .500 bad, yet have a far better record than the big name filled Dodgers and Angels.
24. Chicago White Sox (22): Things are getting so bad in Hawk Harrelson-land, Robin Ventura actually benched Paul Konerko. He was back in the lineup after sitting two games, but it appears age is finally catching up with the 37 year old Konerko, He's hitting just .215/.278/.346 this season.
    
25. Toronto Blue Jays (24): Since April 25, the all or nothing Blue Jays have had streaks of 1-8, 3-0, 0-3 and 4-0. Talk about taking one step forward and two back.
    
26. Chicago Cubs (26): Every season it seems at least one team talks about using a six man rotation. This year it's the Cubbies, with manager Dale Sveum briefly contemplating it with the impending return of Matt Garza from injury. Too bad a six man rotation usually means you don't have five capable starters. Let's talk when someone wants to go with an old school four man rotation.
    
27. Los Angeles Dodgers (25): A tale of two pitchers - Clayton Kershaw has an 8 2/3 inning, 132 pitch game and the world freaks out. If Justin Verlander does it, we're all, "That's so Verlander!" )of course, I wrote this before Verlander got rocked in Arlington, and everyone freaked out)
28. Los Angeles Angels (28): Josh Hamilton's latest affliction? A sinus infection which has left him feeling "off upstairs," whatever that means. Regardless of feeling off, Hamilton's offense has improved after hitting just .204 in April. He's hit .235 in May!
29. Miami Marlins (30): To think Tigers fans complain about batting orders, try being a Marlins fan (if there are any left) At 37 years old, Placido Polanco leads the Marlins in at bats and games played. Too bad what little power Polanco had has completely disappeared at age 37, slugging .273 while spening most of the season batting third or cleanup in the order.
30. Houston Astros (29): The Astros do have a winning month this season! They were 1-0 in March. At least they are consistent. The Astros play at .273 clip at home and .263 on the road.