The 'Everyone Gets an Award' Awards!

Yesterday it was announced that Don Kelly had been named the Tigers' finalist for the MLB Players Alumni Association (MLBPAA) Heart and Hustle award! Good for you Don!

For too long only the amazing players have been given awards. It is about time our awards include everyone! There is a reason that tiny AYSO soccer players all get yellow participant ribbons. Awarding people only for winning and success will ruin self-esteem and stunt fragile ego development.

We need to have more events like a small elementary school year-end assembly where every student is called up to collect an award. Sure, you might have to stretch to include everyone, but who wouldn't like to receive even a pathetic sounding award like "Best Helper" or "Friendliest Smile" or "Super Colorer"?

As we begin the second half of the baseball season, I present the inaugural Phil Coke's Brain You're Terrific Awards!

Most Excited and Erect Nipples Award - Brayan Pena

Please my FANS VOTE FOR BENOIT not for my NIPPLES !!! LOL #BackBenoit pic.twitter.com/htip3CKjoB

— Brayan Pena (@cuban2727) July 10, 2013

Best Team Stayer Oner - Evan Reed

Best Instagram Selfie Uploader - Al Albuerquerque

Best Intro Music Troll - Phil Coke

Heart and Hustle Award - Don Kelly

Tightest Pants Award - Justin Verlander

American Scapula Care Enthusiasts Award - Doug Fister

Best Lynn Henning Frustrator - Jhonny Peralta

Holy Crap an Actual Second Baseman Award - Omar Infante

Most Entertaining Slide Attempter - Prince Fielder

Most Valuable Player (yawn) - Miguel Cabrera

National Cattlemen's Beef Association Beefcake of The Year - Andy Dirks

Award for Achievement in Camera Winking At - Torii Hunter

Most Persistent Beard Grower - Austin Jackson

The Role Player of the Year Award presented by AdamEve.com (NSFW) - Matt Tuiasosopo

Blankest Face Award - Joaquin Benoit

Happiest Last Name - Drew Smyly

The Phillip Morris Cool Customer Award - Jim Leyland

Best Retaliator - Rick Porcello

Most Consistent Frowner - Luke Putkonen

Best at Pitching Award - Max Scherzer

Best Chair Holder Downer - Bruce Rondon

Excellence in Patience with People Who Can't Pronounce Your Name - Anibal Sanchez

Best Player Named Hernan Award - Hernan Perez

Most Likely to Inspire a Small Child - Ramon Santiago

The Best at Patiently Dealing With Everyone's Anxious Bullshit Award - Alex Avila

Most Unlikely Web Gem Producer - Victor Martinez

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