FanPost

FAQ on Jose Veras

The word is out, the deal is official, the papers have been signed, and Jose Veras is coming to the Detroit Tigers. This is a time of transition, and in times of transition, people have questions. This helpful FAQ will help you get to know the Tigers' new relief pitcher, and give you an idea of what to expect in the future from this new acquisition.

1. Who is Jose Veras?

Did you not just read the previous paragraph? He's a relief pitcher, and he's coming to Detroit.

2. No, I mean, what's his history?

He's been in the major leagues for eight years, and has pitched for six different teams: the Yankees, the Indians, the Marlins, the Pirates, the Brewers, and most recently, the Astros.

3. LOL. Why would anyone play for the Astros?

LOL. I know, right?

4. Is he any good?

Well, if his FIP is any indication, he's a definite improvement over several current pitchers in the Tigers' bullpen.

5. What is "FIP"?

It's an acronym employed by baseball writers to establish dominance and superiority, and it stands for "Fingers in the Pie." As mentioned, Veras has pitched for six teams in eight years (seven, including Detroit), so obviously he has had his fingers in a lot of different pies, which makes his FIP quite good. By contrast, Phil Coke has only been with two teams in six years, so his FIP sucks.

6. Are you allowed to say "sucks" on this site?

No. I apologize. I should have said "blows."

7. The last time the Tigers got a "Jose V." from Houston, it didn't end well. Should I be worried?

Officially, I have to respond by saying that you are, technically speaking, a moron for even asking that question, because coincidences of names and initials have nothing whatsoever to do with reality and future predictions. Unofficially, I would not necessarily discourage you from going ahead and pre-wetting your pants right now. Might as well get ahead of it.

8. So the Tigers got another decent reliever, but at what cost?

They gave up an outfield prospect in Low-A ball named Danry Vasquez, and a player to be named later.

9. His name is Danry?

Exactly. That's why we smart writers know that the Tigers got the better end of this deal. My exhaustive research shows that there has never been a Hall of Fame candidate, a Triple Crown winner, or even a Gold Glove winner named "Danry." Houston got screwed.

10. Who do you think will be the "player to be named later"?

I have no idea, but I'm hoping it's me. I'm getting my baseball pants let out a bit, just in case.

11. Hey, when Miguel Cabrera got thrown out of that game on Sunday, what do you think he said to the ump?

Next question.

12. But do you think Miggy might have --

Next question.

13. What do you think is the most important factor to consider when analyzing Jose Veras as a future Tigers pitcher?

There are a zillion stats to analyze, but I think the most important factor to consider here is whether Veras looks good in a Tigers uniform. Below is an artist's conceptual rendering:

I think we can all agree that he looks great in Verlander's a Tigers uniform.

14. What is Jenny's number?

867-5309.

15. After the Veras acquisition, do you think the Tigers need to add any more arms to the bullpen?

I'm still holding out hope for a bionically-enhanced Willie Hernandez. I know Mike Ilitch has the money.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the <em>Bless You Boys</em> writing staff.