Things in my apartment that are shaped like Bartolo Colon (a.k.a. Game 134 Preview: Athletics at Tigers)

The last three games have been so bad that I'm resorting to drastic measures to preserve my sanity* when writing yet another preview about the Oakland A's. So, instead of giving you a quick rundown of Colon's season and a reason why the Tigers will actually start to hit today despite him giving everyone the business all season long, I took some pictures of stuff in my apartment that slightly resembles the rotund figure of Colon. Please reference the picture above if needed.

*You can argue that I've lost said sanity by writing a post of this nature and I probably won't correct you. I'm just glad my roommate didn't walk in to me taking a picture of a can of chick peas last night.

This couch cushion.

This pot.

This soap (pitching from the stretch).

This refrigerator, which is probably way more empty.

This tub of cream cheese.

A roll of toilet paper (two-ply, naturally).

This loaf of bread. WARNING: the real Bartolo Colon may contain seeds.

This can of chick peas.

Laundry detergent. It would be the nice if the A's used 1/3 less Colon today.

This pile of laundry.

This jar of coins, filled with the entire Houston Astros payroll.

My roommate's suitcase.

Last but not least, a big h/t goes to Liz Roscher of The Good Phight, SB Nation's Phillies blog, for some inspiration on Twitter last night. Also, Sullivan.

Prediction

Max Scherzer improves his record to 20-1 today.