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Things in my apartment that are shaped like Bartolo Colon (a.k.a. Game 134 Preview: Athletics at Tigers)

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Max Scherzer will go for his 20th win of the season today against my couch cushion... err, I mean, Bartolo Colon.

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

The last three games have been so bad that I'm resorting to drastic measures to preserve my sanity* when writing yet another preview about the Oakland A's. So, instead of giving you a quick rundown of Colon's season and a reason why the Tigers will actually start to hit today despite him giving everyone the business all season long, I took some pictures of stuff in my apartment that slightly resembles the rotund figure of Colon. Please reference the picture above if needed.

*You can argue that I've lost said sanity by writing a post of this nature and I probably won't correct you. I'm just glad my roommate didn't walk in to me taking a picture of a can of chick peas last night.

This couch cushion.

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This pot.

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This soap (pitching from the stretch).

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This refrigerator, which is probably way more empty.

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This tub of cream cheese.

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A roll of toilet paper (two-ply, naturally).

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This loaf of bread. WARNING: the real Bartolo Colon may contain seeds.

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This can of chick peas.

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Laundry detergent. It would be the nice if the A's used 1/3 less Colon today.

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This pile of laundry.

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This jar of coins, filled with the entire Houston Astros payroll.

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My roommate's suitcase.

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Last but not least, a big h/t goes to Liz Roscher of The Good Phight, SB Nation's Phillies blog, for some inspiration on Twitter last night. Also, Sullivan.

Prediction

Max Scherzer improves his record to 20-1 today.