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Hook'd on Headlines: Jan 9

HookSlide distorts the latest baseball news, so you don't have to!

Jim McIsaac

It's been another fairly slow week in baseball news, without hardly a single story about which to get worked up or write angry tweets. However, there are still a few headlines to be read, misunderstood, and incorrectly relayed to the readers of this site. Just think of all the time you'll save by not having to screw up these headlines yourself! You're welcome.

Let's get to it!

Biggio misses by just two votes

Surely they meant this headline to read "Biggiooooo-noooo!" Missed opportunity there.

Morris goes distance, but doesn't reach Hall

This summer, see Kevin Costner in the role of a lifetime as Jack Morris in: Field of Shattered Dreams. (Now if only the baseball writers could find a few pictures of Jack Morris frowning, glaring, or snarling to go with their stories.)

Pirates ditch Jolly Roger logo in favor of 'P'

Eyeless, tongue-stuck-out emoticons immediately sue the franchise.

Rumors: Cubs, Sox first to meet Tanaka

Glad to see MLB knows how to lead off with a good joke to make the guy feel welcome. After this, he'll meet with a few local church women's softball teams, because MLB doesn't know when they've taken a joke too far.

Tigers agree to 1-year deal with SS Iglesias

Dombrowski promises to stop making baseball deals with steamships "pretty soon."

Hall trio reflects on joining game's greatest

"In bed." (Humor writer pro-tip: when in doubt, always fall back on a Fortune Cookie joke.)

Smile. Only 48 more days left until we get to hear Dan Dickerson do the play-by-play again.