No one sends real Christmas cards anymore.
This is a development that is bad in almost every way.
Without personal, physically-stamped, hand-addressed, delivered by the United States Postal Service Christmas cards what are we left with?
A Facebook post that says "Merry Christmas"? That's not giving me my holly jollies.
A glossy Snapfish postcard of your excessively-posed crotch fruit? No thanks. I don't need to see you holding some impractical prop and sporting an impossible smile.
A text message? Sure, it is easy but it has all the charm of an Ian Kinsler interview.
The only thing that shows up in the mail anymore that even resembles a Christmas card is from some faceless corporation thanking me for building up another year of rewards points.
Old-fashioned Christmas cards were perfect: warm, fuzzy, ridiculously stylized and cheesy. They made a great display hanging from the ceiling by a ribbon or propped open on a mantel. They were great to send too. All you had to do is pick a design from among the 20-packs of cards at Meijer and you were on your way. With these babies there was no importing, cropping, adjusting, printing and shipping. You simply got to spend 60 seconds writing the recipients name and address on the card. Just enough to consider the person fondly but not enough to actually have to care about them deeply.
The Old-fashioned cards were far less narcissistic. They had scenes of, you know, Christmas or Hanukkah stuff. Even the religion-free "cute snowman with a attractive song bird perched on its shoulder" didn't come with a two-paged, single-spaced letter giving me your accomplishment year-in-review.
Anyway, before I go full Jerry Green on you all, let's move on.
I'm happy to report that the Christmas card is not completely dead. I was very happy to see several holiday cards sent from my favorite Detroit Tigers.