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Other things Jon Heyman heard about the Tigers

Jon Heyman heard Miguel Cabrera is the Tigers' best infielder. We investigated what else he may have been told.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Saturday a certain sports writer who I shall only refer to here as "Jon Heyman" (not necessarily his real name, even though it is) made some public predictions about the 2014 season. Sources say he also made several private predictions, but no one knows what they were.

I'm not going to suggest that Heyman is crazy, per se, but he's definitely crazy. For instance, he says the Tigers have had a "disastrous spring" that has left them with Miguel Cabrera as "their best defensive infielder following the loss of wizard shortstop Jose Iglesias, and that "their bullpen could miss Bruce Rondon."

It's obvious what has happened here. Heyman got a hold of the Secret List of Most Important Secret Tigers Secrets, which were supposed to be safely under lock and key in the vaults at BYB headquarters. But now the word is out, so we might as well let everyone in on what it is that Heyman learned.


What Heyman Heard

Prince Fielder traded due to impending lawsuit from fan who wants his nacho back.

Max Scherzer wears a colored contact.

Jose Iglesias' shin injury due to use of nipple clamps, not running on beach.

Rick Porcello has irrational fear of Danny Glover, gets flashbacks while on the mound because of the movie "Angels In the Outfield."

Jack Kerouac is Joba Chamberlain's grandfather.

Constant shaving has led Alex Avila's face to actually become magnetized, resulting in increased directional pull of foul balls towards his facemask.

Justin Verlander actually dating Justin Upton.

Phil Coke has plans to ditch the team mid-season to join Nickelback on tour

Jim Leyland secretly managing team from lair beneath the center field fountain

Tyler Collins only made the Opening Day roster because his cousin Phil pulled some strings.

-- list compiled by HookSlide, Rob and Kurt