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Notes from Around MLB

The Tigers won their opener, Jose Valverde made an appearance, Ryan Braun is back, and other things happened too.

Leon Halip

Opening Day has come and gone, and the 2014 season is now officially under way! Here are a few notes on what happened around the MLBverse yesterday.

New York Mets

Jose Valverde pitched a perfect one-and-a-third innings in relief, striking out three along the way. So, you know what, go ahead and get in touch with that one girl from high school you always secretly liked.

Detroit Tigers

Per @cantpredictball, "For just the 16th time in his career, Justin Verlander walked more batters than he struck out." Make your favorite joke involving Kate Upton and "more balls" here.

New York Yankees

Derek Jeter's "Derek Jeter Farewell Derek Jeter Tour," starring Derek Jeter, is officially underway. Better Jeter yourselves for a long Jeter of continuous Jeter throughout the coming Jeter.

Houston Astros

Manager Bo Porter was quoted as saying "It's extremely important to finish better than we did last year," which is kind of like an alcoholic saying he's going to cut back to only 20 beers a day because "I need to stop drinking."

Toronto Blue Jays

Knuckleballer R.A. Dickey got knocked around in his Opening Day start, surrendering six runs on five hits while walking six in only five innings. Guess that "R.A." stands for "Runs Against," amirite?

Oakland Athletics

The A's got shut out by the Justin Masterson and the Indians last night, despite having the bases loaded with only one out in the eighth. Clearly, the cost of a win has gone up since last year, and the A's need to save their pennies for October.

Cleveland Indians

Bro. Bro! Broooooo! Guess who brove in one of the only two runs scored by the Indians in their 2-0 win over Broakland? 'Sup.

Pittsburgh Pirates

Walker walk-off. Walker walk-off. Walker walk-off. After a while those words just sound weird, don't they? Walker walk-off. Anyway, does anyone know how that Pirates game ended last night?

Philadelphia Phillies

The Phillies beat the Rangers 14-10. Someone had better tell them they're not a football team, or their season is going to accidentally end earlier.

Texas Rangers

Prince Fielder went 1-for-5 with a strikeout, no RBI's, two men left on base, and three "it's over, bro"'s.

Atlanta Braves

The Braves lost to the Brewers. Everybody drink!

Milwaukee Brewers

Brauny: the thicker, quicker turn-the-pager.