If yesterday were today, and today were tomorrow, you'd be seriously late for some appointments right now. But you're not, so enjoy the latest MLB news riffs!
(Numbers next to team names are taken from Fangraphs and represent the team's percent chance of winning the World Series)
Pittsburgh Pirates (2%)
Starling Marte finished the series against the Reds with seven strikeouts in ten plate appearances, making him responsible for 18 percent of the team's total. Sigh. It can get so lonely at the top.
Cincinnati Reds (1%)
Johnny Cueto set a new career record with 12 strikeouts in a single game, but to be fair, I think they were counting Neil Walker's strikeouts twice.
New York Yankees (4%)
They play "God Bless America" over the stadium PA during the seventh inning at their home games. Right, like that's finally gonna make God a Yankees fan.
Detroit Tigers (14%)
God created Miggy and Hunter, not Miggy and Bunter -- ok, Brad?!
Chicago White Sox (0%)
Fought tooth-and-nail against the Red Sox into the fourteenth inning before finally losing. Mid-April Hawkenfreude is a bit too ripe, but it still tastes pretty good.
Milwaukee Brewers (2%)
With another win, they take their record to 11-4. Just remember, they're doing all of this without Robinson Cano!
Arizona Diamondbacks (0%)
In the midst of a six-game losing streak, they fell to 4-14 last night. No, it's nothing to worry about, Gibby is just doing his usual thing and setting the stage for eleventh hour heroics.
Chicago Cubs (0%)
Lost both games of a double-header to the Yankees. Do you really need me to tell you that, though?
Kansas City Royals (2%)
Collected their third and fourth home runs of the season, so they've finally caught up with Alexei Ramirez.
Miami Marlins (0%)
Jose Fernandez struck out ten, but the Marlins still lost when their terrible bullpen caved in later innings, again. Flashback to 2002, as Dombrowksi leaves, he says, "I'm off to Detroit, but this is what you wanna do with your bullpen ..."