Phil Coke blew hard last night. After striking out the first two batters he faced, he started giving up hits, then he started giving up runs, then he - the team LOOGY, mind you - gave up a home run to left-handed hitting Adam Dunn.
I think everyone is frustrated at this point, and to confirm that fact, I went out to Twitter and just a quick search for "Coke." The results were definitely ... results.
Dissarano and coke, pizza and the champions league. Ideal.— JaackMaate (@JaackMaate) April 22, 2014
Exactly, sir, exactly. Phil Coke belongs in the amateur champions league, whatever that might be. I could not agree with you more. Well stated. But how did you know that Phil Coke loves pizza?
Drinking Sprite instead of Coke since it's clear, thus tricking myself into thinking it's healthier— Connor Treacy (@theconnortreacy) April 22, 2014
Ok, Connor, interesting metaphor you're using there. I'm not sure I totally understand it, but I think we're still on the same page here as far as saying that Phil Coke is not really healthy for anyone.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose.— Jim Stretton (@jimstretton18) April 22, 2014
Wow, Jim, way to really reach for sheer poetry there. Still, you've got the basic idea of it - Phil Coke should not be anywhere within sniffing distance of the Tigers, unless they want to get the Ice Cubes of Earned Runs stuck in the Nose of their Soon-to-be Victory.
McDonald's coke is the best coke ????— Adam (@Ad_Ryan96) April 22, 2014
Now we're talking, Adam. Phil Coke is probably better suited to be working at a local McDonald's, where they actually expect him to serve up lots of runs. And when customers at the counter ask what's on the Dollar Menu, he can just point straight up.
If you ate the sugar in a can of Coke (39 grams) alone, your body would vomit uncontrollably. Coke adds phosphoric acid which prevents this.— Facts In Your Face (@FactsInYourFace) April 22, 2014
Yes, yes, exactly, I see where you're heading with this. Phil Coke causes uncontrollable vomiting, something something something about acid, and acid is definitely not good, so I think we're in agreement here also.
If I had to choose between your life and a pound of coke..... I'd pick the coke— Trap $toner (@TrapStoner) April 23, 2014
You would, stoner. You would.
So as we can all see, the fans on Twitter have spoken, they have registered their opinion concerning Phil Coke, and that opinion is: pizza, unhealthy, ice cubes up the nose, McDonald's, and vomiting.
Your move, Tigers.