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It was a very weird day in baseball for everyone. Or maybe my perspective is just skewed from having stayed up to watch the entire 16-inning Cubs vs Pirates game. Either way, read on.
Detroit Tigers
It's the first time the team has kicked off a season with two walk-off wins since 1901, which unfortunately means that women are no longer allowed to vote. :(
Pittsburgh Pirates
Grilli blew the lead for the Bucs in the 9th, then Veras blew the lead for the Cubs in the 12th, and somehow the whole thing is Jim Leyland's fault.
Miami Marlins
Finally lost a game to Colorado, so there goes that fragile little dream.
Boston Red Sox
Big Papi destroyed an inside pitch that went over the right field scoreboard. Somewhere, Torii Hunter felt his equilibrium slip for just a second.
New York Mets
Bartolo Colon's first at-bat ended with him having to run to first and OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LIFE IS SO AWESOME!!! Oh, and the Mets lost.
Chicago White Sox
Won their second game of the season with a walk-off wild pitch and now Hawk Harrelson has a perma-boner. Advantage: Atheism.
New York Yankees
In a moving ceremony at Minute Maid Park, Derek Jeter was Jetered with a Jeter full of Jeters and Jeter Jeter will Jeter Jeter Jeter the Jeter - you know what? I'm already sick of this circle-Jeet.
Oakland Athletics
Pitching against his former club, Scott Kazmir gave up just three hits and no walks while striking out five over seven and one-third innings, thus leading to this important discovery: apparently it's Kazmir that cures the Kipnis.
Texas Rangers
Won the game in walk-off fashion when Papelbon walked Choo with the bases loaded. Earlier in the game, Prince Fielder struck out twice, once with two runners in scoring position. So, in order, Dombrowski is a genius, an idiot, and a genius again.