Notes from around MLB, April 4

Just another day in the world of baseball, except that in a lot of places it was barely above freezing and the sky was hurling chunks of cold water at people. Keep pressing forward, Baseball, you will beat back the demon hordes of winter yet.

Detroit Tigers

So far the schedule has been: Opening Day, off day, Game 2, rain out. At this rate, the Tigers will finish their regular season sometime next February.

Pittsburgh Pirates

They finally lost a game to the Cubs, but everyone on the team agreed it was nice to have an extended Spring Training while it lasted.

Arizona Diamondbacks

They've lost five of their last six games, so if I were you, I'd stop including them in your parlay bets.

Chicago White Sox

Battled the Twins hard in a back-and-forth slug-fest, but ultimately they lost on an RBI triple by a freaking ninja:

Bonzai, Hawk.

New York Yankees

Some booger-head named "Peacock" struck out Derek Jeter and come on you dinkus, did you not get the memo that he's retiring this year?! GEEZ!!!

New York Mets

Do you really give a crap what happened to the Mets yesterday, or do you just want to see more of this?

That's what I thought.

(BTW, the Mets lost. Duh.)

Chicago Cubs

Avoided the sweep by beating Pittsburgh 3-2. Does this mean the curse is finally broken? No. No it does not.

Minnesota Twins

Finally beat the White Sox, and it was one of the most awesome Little League games I've ever seen.

Miami Marlins

Per @cantpredictball, "The Marlins lead MLB with 27 runs scored." And yet they've only hit two home runs, so it really makes you wonder if they even give a damn about their precious dolphin sculpture.

Boston Red Sox

Took a 4-3 lead against the Orioles into the bottom of the 9th inning with Koji Uehara on the mound, and I'll give you three guesses how that ended.