Week one of baseball is complete. It's now week two of baseball. Now we can start taking the stats seriously.
(Numbers next to team names are taken from Fangraphs and represent the team's percent chance of winning the World Series)
New York Yankees (2%)
Derek Jeter got numbers 3,319 and 3,320 over the weekend, surpassing Paul Molitor for the number eight spot - no, we're not talking about hits, we're talking about women he's gotten at least to second base with.
Atlanta Braves (3%)
Even missing a couple of starting pitchers, they're still very much on track to lead the league in players named "Upton" for the second year in a row.
Detroit Tigers (12%)
After five games, the bullpen has an ERA higher than most players' uniform numbers. Dombrowski is going to need a few more arms out there, and maybe even a few bodies to go with them.
Arizona Diamondbacks (1%)
With a record of 2-7, it seems like all they do is get beat. Fortunately, it's Arizona, so it's a dry beat.
San Francisco Giants (5%)
Already lead MLB in home runs and have a respectable first place lead. Must be an even-numbered year.
Boston Red Sox (8%)
Got swept by the Brewers over the weekend, so either this thing is really happening in Milwaukee, or it's still only the first month of official baseball.
Chicago Cubs (0%)
Jose Veras has pitched in two games and has allowed three earned runs. Some people think Dave Dombrowski knows secret information before he lets these guys go, but it's really just that he makes them sign a very, very strict non-compete agreement.
Pittsburgh Pirates (4%)
Their 1.000 win record in March quickly dropped to .600 in the first week of April, so by the end of this week they should be playing .360 ball. Maybe next year, Pirates.
Houston Astros (0%)
Hit five home runs in Sunday's 7-4 win over the Angels, four of them off of Jared Weaver, so if you see any news reports about a madman whipping baseballs into Houston traffic later today, you'll know what that's all about.
New York Mets (0%)
Closer Bobby Parnell will be having Tommy John surgery on Tuesday, which means that MLB is this close to letting the rest of the season be decided by Home Run Derby.
Miami Marlins (0%)
Finished their first week 5-2, in sole possession of first place, so hats off to them for one of the longest and most elaborate April Fool's pranks ever.