Did you stay up all night to watch the Tigers lose in extra innings? I'm sorry. Here are some hastily written jokes.
(Numbers next to team names are taken from Fangraphs and represent the team's percent chance of winning the World Series)
Baltimore Orioles (0%)
Pounded on the Yankees for a 14-5 win, helped by Delmon Young's 3-for-6, one home run, three RBI night. No, there's no punchline here, that stat line is the joke. It practically tells itself.
Los Angeles Dodgers (12%)
In three innings of work, Vin Scully dished out more information on the Detroit Tigers via fireside-style anecdotes than any six Detroit broadcasters in the previous 50 years combined. It was cool at first, then it was disconcerting, then it was downright scary, because now I'm pretty sure Vin knows all of my secrets as well.
New York Yankees (2%)
Closer David Robertson has been placed on the disabled list because of a groin strain. Explain to me how this has never been a problem for Jose Valverde?
Milwaukee Brewers (1%)
Ryan Braun hit three home runs in the game against Philadelphia, and is now under suspicion of illegally setting his game difficulty level back to "beginner."
Chicago White Sox (0%)
They hit six home runs in their 15-3 blowout against the Rockies: two by Avisail Garcia, two by Jose Abreu, and two by the Coors Field altitude.
Washington Nationals (11%)
Finally passed the Marlins to take possession of first place. Now if we can just take care of that little Brewers problem in the NL Central, we can finally get on with enjoying the season.
Detroit Tigers (11%)
Lost in extra innings to the Dodgers, and lost Torii Hunter mid-game after he hurt his knee sliding into the right field wall. Back in the clubhouse, Hunter later injured his thumb trying to listen to Pink Floyd.
Pittsburgh Pirates (4%)
They lead MLB in batters hit per game with six. At first it seems like maybe sinister intent, but then you realize that four of those six came while facing Chicago Cubs pitchers, and then it's just funny.