No, we're not going to show you Justin Verlander's ass

So, Kate Upton's phone was hacked. Probably. I haven't gone looking for a story about it, frankly. The end result, however, I know: This evening there are photos of the pair posing in front of a mirror in all their glory making their rounds on the Internet.

No, we're not going to show you the photos. Not going to tell you have to find them, either. But they definitely exist. This is a thing that happened that you're going to hear about anyway. So it may as well be from us.

After all, we are a site that enjoys a good joke, and fortunately Twitter has provided us with jokes aplenty already. So we're going to show you those instead and invite your best jokes -- NO PHOTOS OR LINKS TO THEM ALLOWED -- in our comments.

Look, I expected Verlander to be hairier

— Matt Sussman (@suss2hyphens) September 1, 2014

I think it's romantic that Upton continues to see past Verlander's ERA and cares more about his FIP

— Matt Sussman (@suss2hyphens) September 1, 2014

Both butts look better without the uniform IMHO

— Justin Bopp (@justinbopp) September 1, 2014

@BYBKurt I'm not saying I've seen it. But if I had, I would be unimpressed.

— Sierra Dean (@sierradean) September 1, 2014

The worst part about the Verlander and girl friend nude photos is that Verlander doesn't look very fit.

— Lee Panas (@tiger337) September 1, 2014

Justin Verlander my son, thou shall turn the other cheek.

— MLB Jesus (@MLBJesus) September 1, 2014

Ahhh Justin Verlander is trending. Let me click to see why and NOOOOOOOOO! AHHHH MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHINGGGG!

— KMB (@KMB2476) September 1, 2014

Verlander sees Fielders Body Issue Spread, thinks "I can do one better then that"

— Ollie James (@OllieNYankees) September 1, 2014

/checks in with Twitter /looking to catch up on Indians/Royals tweets /reads JV/Kate Upton tweets instead /throws iPad out the window

— Bryan Craves (@DisplacedTgrFan) September 1, 2014

And, just to ruin the rest of your night ...

Still waiting for the nude Jim Leyland & Don Kelly photo to surface. You know there has to be one.

— Scott Rogowski (@DNR_Rogo) September 1, 2014