Who will win the upcoming Tigers/Orioles series? It is such a simple question, but much ink will be spilled to concoct an answer. You will find many fine articles on this very website breaking down pitching match-ups and home run rates and all manner of fancy numbers. But in the end no one has any clue. The teams are quite evenly matched.
Therefore, it is time to move on to some non-traditional baseball prediction resources. Let's explore!
1. Magic 8-Ball
Since I'm not a pack rat and don't keep everything I owned in the 90's, I no longer have a real Magic 8-Ball, but through the magic of the internet we have options: ASK8BALL.NET!
OH MAGIC 8-BALL, WILL THE TIGERS BEAT THE ORIOLES IN THE ALDS?
DO YOU SEE THAT?! IT IS DECIDEDLY SO!
This is very exciting.
Here is a throw back to every statistics class on earth. "Imagine a fair spinner", the professor says. Ok, I will!
Spinner, will the Tigers beat the Orioles in the ALDS?!
Well...you can't really trust a website called "Mathisfun.com" now can you?
Let's try a different spinner
Wheels are stupid anyway.
3. Magic Conch
THE CONCH HAS SPOKEN!!
4. Yes/No Generator
Maybe you don't buy into cartoon shenanigans. You want a cold, simple yes or no. Let's try yesnomaybe.info!
It can't be wrong. It's on the Internet!
5. Spiritual Introspection
Does this feel a little mechanical and random to you? You are in luck! I discovered some REAL answers at facade.com. Facade.com describes itself thusly:
Welcome to Facade, the first and most popular web site devoted to Tarot, Runes, I Ching, Biorhythms, Numerology, and other forms of spiritual introspection.
We have provided FREE readings and information to the Internet community since 1993, before even Netscape existed.
Whether you're new to mystical pursuits or an experienced practicioner, we hope you'll find our unbiased approach to divination refreshing and entertaining!
So what do the diviners say?
YES! Look at that pen! They can't be wrong! The site has advertising so you know it's super legit!
6. Coin Toss
Heads = Tigers
Tails = Orioles
Here we go!
Wow, that head makes even crushingly depressing generic office berber carpet look beautiful!
How about a second, digital opinion?
I can see the headline now: "Popular website declares Tigers will win the ALDS"
People on Twitter know everything. I will now ask people to pick a number, 1 or 2. The first person who responds will be the deciding vote.
1 = Tigers win
2 = Orioles win
And there it is! The Hooded Merganser, which is some sort of large duck, predicts a Tigers win!
|Real coin toss||x|
|Fake Internet coin toss||x|
There you have it folks, I can say with utmost certainty that the Tigers have a 7 in 9 chance of winning this series. I'm not saying you should bet your house on them, but it would be a pretty safe wager.