Tuesday, Pete Rose held a press conference where he conveyed his dismay at the final FINAL FINAL ruling that he will not be entering the Hall of Fame. This was a forgone conclusion, but give Pete Rose the opportunity for a press conference, and there will be a press conference. This much swag needs a public outlet at least once a year:
Pete Rose's shirt collar says "Hit King" pic.twitter.com/tqCwKu5WvH— Hey it's Jim (@jimadair3) December 15, 2015
During the statement, one where he both confided that he still partakes in some recreational gambling (breaking news!) and admits he "probably shouldn't have done that," Rose also stated that his baseball knowledge is so great, he should be commissioner.
Yes! Flip the script, Pete. Pete Rose for commissioner of baseball! pic.twitter.com/89R9S3AUyb— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) December 15, 2015
In the age where Donald Trump has become an actual presidential candidate, let's thank God that the vote for commissioner is not up to the general public. But more importantly, let's imagine the hell out of what a Rose-led MLB would look like.
Step 1: Forgive Pete Rose and let Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame.
Step 2: Forgive all steroids users and vote them into the Hall of Fame.
Best way to take the spotlight off your own admission? Get those steroid players into the Hall of Fame. That will take the heat off of the gambling conversation. Hey look, over there, its a Barry Bonds weight comparison!
Step 3: Use slot machine to determine World Series home field advantage
We all agree that using the All-Star game as the deciding factor is silly. Well, how about we try our luck at the slots! That will REALLY get the blood pumping.
Step 4: Create the bronze hustler award.
We have the gold glove. And the silver slugger. But what about hustle? Where is the love for the gritty side of the game? How can we get Craig Counsel more recognition? And David Eckstein more credit for playing the game the right way. The Bronze Hustler. Which, of course, is a trophy of Rose sliding into third.
Step 5: Instate mandatory memorabilia signing periods.
No one loves signing merchandise more than Pete Rose. Correction: No one loves the money he makes from signed memorabilia than Pete Rose. Anyway, mandatory signing periods. "For the kids, man."
Step 6: Make betting on baseball by everyone legal. And ... encouraged?
Pete Rose undeniably, loved, and still loves to gamble:
PREAAAAACCCCHHH pic.twitter.com/xfChNQcAul— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) December 15, 2015
You should be able to do what you want with your money, right? As long as you bet on your team!
Step 6.5: Require on-screen graphic updates to include moneyline odds for prop bets.
"Miguel Cabrera: .321/32/115 -- Gets a hit in this at-bat +180"
Step 7: Create an expansion team for Las Vegas. Call them the Las Vegas DraftKings. Profit.
Rose's final act as commissioner. He will undoubtedly learn that being the commissioner is actually a lot of work, and is seriously cutting into his NBA parlays. So, as his final act, he creates an expansion team and appoints himself manager and GM. He then proceeds to create a top five payroll, wins the 2018 World Series, and builds a 30-foot replica of the Bronze Hustler in front of the stadium.