Tigers New Year's Resolutions, 2016

Victor Martinez: Resolves to use less strenuous techniques during off season workouts, especially on the knees.

Little Victor: Resolves to stop making dad give him "knee horsey" rides all winter.

Ian Kinsler: "I resolve to lighten up a little. Stop and smell the roses from time to time. Realize there's more to life than baseball, like taking time to marvel in the perfect sunset, watch kids frolic in the grass, ponder how we can improve the planet for future generations. Christ, who am I kidding. Can any of you jabronies hit a decent grounder so I can get some fielding work done? And why is the batting cage covered in snow? You're telling me I gotta wait til February to lace 'em up again? Screw it, I'm heading to the Dominican to find a game."

Justin Verlander: 3 words, No...More...Selfies

Anibal Sanchez: Resolves to not make any more bets with James Shields on who can give up the most HR's in a season. "That guy just cant be beat!"

Francisco Rodriguez: Resolves to be the perfect clubhouse presence, teammate and mentor for the younger guys. "I've tried the asshole thing so many times, and it's getting old. Let's try charming this time."

Miguel Cabrera: Resolves to send a nice thank you note to his dad Jor El, for all the Christmas presents he sent to the family this year.

Brad Ausmus: Resolves to do his best to continue looking adorable for the fans. "It aint easy to look this way all the time, but I have a commitme...just kidding, it is easy. I get out of bed and look like this. But what I really resolve to do is to play more situational baseball. I'm gonna use my bullpen pitchers where they can be most successful, regardless of what inning it is. Just kidding again! You guys are soooo easy! Wilson 7th, Lowe 8th, K-Rod 9th. SUCK THAT, HATERS!"

James McCann: Resolves to learn Spanish so he can "motivate" his teammates in 2 languages!

Jose' Iglesias: Resolves to not piss off James McCann. That gringo is loco.

Al Avila: Resolves to actually grow and nurture the farm system so it can become a quality feeder for the big club for years to come. Because Mr. Illich is 107 years old and wont be writing 9 figure checks forever!

Nick Castellanos: Resolves to start hitting in April instead of July. "Brad said I have to pace myself so I won't wear down. He even would take me out of games in the 8th inning sometimes. Must be cuz I'm the youngest guy on the team by like 10 years and he thinks I have a curfew or something. But at the end of September I wasn't even a little tired, so screw pace, I'm gonna rake all season instead! Oh, yeah, and extra grounders, lots and lots of extra grounders."

Daniel Norris: Resolves to finally pull the trigger on a new home purchase and buy that sweet '78 VW Vanagon that he's had his eye on.

And a couple for ROGO...

Gary Sheffield: Resolves to make a comeback and FINALLY get the $100M contract that he deserves, bitches.

Will Rhymes: Resolves to up the grit factor to 11 and the scrappy factor to 12 for one more run at the show.

Happy New Year to all of the BYB family. It's was a fun 2015 but 2016 is gonna be much, much funner! Pitchers and catchers report in only about 1000 days...

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of the <em>Bless You Boys</em> writing staff.