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Detroit Tigers bets you'll wish you could make

*For entertainment purposes only

step right up and place your bets!
step right up and place your bets!
Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

The culture of gambling seems strange and frightening to me. Professional people lurk out there – out in the dark and dirty places - eager to take your money in exchange for the chance to win more money than what you just gave them. These people don't seem too poor or hard-pressed. In fact, they seem eager to do this kind of exchange as much as possible. This suggests that gamblers are stupid.

Let me correct that; MOST gamblers are stupid. YOU on the other hand are smart and can totally exploit the system with your smartness! So let's take a look at the odds on some Tigers bets this season.

Before we go farther I have to confess that I had no idea how "odds" worked. Sure, I see the ratios behind the funny names of each horse come Kentucky Derby time and I understood that if a horse had a big first number followed by a small second number (300:1 for example) then that horse sucked.

After some consultation with our Wikipedia overlord, this is what I gather: The first number is the amount the bookmaker (casino) "puts into the the pot" or "stakes" and the second number is what you, the gambler, stake. Therefore if the odds on a horse winning is 6:1 you would win 7 dollars on a one dollar bet if said horse won. This also reflects the conventional wisdom (with some possible bookmakers manipulation) of what the probability of the event occurring is. If a horse is at 6:1 it suggests that the horse has a 1 out of 7 chance of winning, or 14.2% chance.

Do I have that right?

Just look for the the longest comment below and I'm certain that will be the one correcting my explanation.

Onward to the action*!

*for entertainment purposes only

First Tiger to initiate a fight this season

3:2 Kinsler

6:1 Miggy

8:1 Victor

12:1 Cespedes

500:1 Gene Lamont

First Tiger pitcher to perform a "Phil Coke" fly ball finger point

6:1 Buck Farmer

8:1 Al Albuerquerque

15:1 Kyle Lobstein

2:1 Phil Coke

First Tiger pitcher to fall down after a pitch

3:1 Alfredo Simon

6:1 Bruce Rondon

12:1 Tom Gorzelanny

600:1 Andrew Romine

First Tiger TOOTBLAN

2:1 Kinsler

2:1 Cespedes

2:1 Castellanos

The first player added to the roster from outside the organization

0:1 Don Kelly

First food Prince Fielder will snag from an unsuspecting fan

1:1 Nachos

2:1 An entire pizza

800:1 Salad

Topic of Ausmus' next media gaffe

2:1 Spousal abuse

3:1 Homosexuality

6:1 Religion

50:1 Abortion

2000:1 Bread

Player to hit first Tigers grand slam this season

4:1 Cabrera

6:1 Cespedes

8:1 Victor Martinez

8:1 J.D. Martinez

1,000,000,000:1 Justin Verlander

Winner of the opening day Dunkin' Donuts race

3:1 Biggy Bagel

3:1 Cuppy Coffee

3:1 Dashing Donut

3:1 Fuzzy Muffin

First Tigers player to steal a base this season

2:1 Rajai Davis

2:1 Anthony Gose

4:1 Ian Kinsler

1,000:1 Victor Martinez

999:1 Victor Martinez with a rocket strapped to his back

Former Tiger to hit the first home run against the Tigers

6:1 Prince Fielder

10:1 Omar Infante

12:1 Avisail Garcia

14:1 Matt Joyce

16:1 Clete Thomas

9000:1 Phil Coke

1:1 Frickin' Delmon. You know it's going to be Delmon.

First Tigers' writer to use the word "assemblage" or "imbroglio"

7:2 Lynn Henning

9:2: Catherine Slonksnis

10:1 Beck

15:1 Chris McCoskey

50:1 Anthony Fenech

70:1 Chris Iott

First BlessYouBoys writer to write an article about something that happened in Tigers Stadium

1:10 Greg Eno

10:1 Kurt Mensching

Pitcher who will lead the Tigers in saves this season

50:1 Joe Nathan

69:1 Luke Putkonen

3:1 Joakim Soria

10:1 Bruce Rondon

☛:1 Al Albuerqueque