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Everybody wrote the same article about Bruce Rondon, so we did too

Welcome back, baseball.

By Rob Rogacki
Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Ah, spring training. This is the time of year where fans of all 30 Major League Baseball teams can be optimistic about the upcoming season. Sure, teams like the Braves and Phillies probably don't have much of a chance at the playoffs, but their fans are excited to see some of the young talent coming through the pipeline as they rebuild towards a brighter future. For everyone else, the focus is entirely on 2016, and how their team can return to the postseason.

It's a wonderful feeling, all this optimism. While fans are still rubbing their eyes from the fog of winter -- or even digging themselves out of their driveways -- they are glad to take in any and all new info about their team. Videos. Quotes. Vines. Even something called a Snapchat. Social media is hard, y'all.

But sometimes, a lot of those things are more similar than they appear.

Detroit Tigers' Bruce Rondon does not dwell on being sent home last season: 'It's a new year'

Oh, well that's nice.

Tigers' Rondon resolutely looks to reestablish himself

Hmm, I bet he is.

Bruce Rondon 'received well' by Tigers after Sept. dismissal

Hey, wait a min-

Tigers' Rondon: 'I’m concentrated and I’m ready'

Well then.

As you can see, Rondon spoke with media members on Friday about his outlook on the upcoming season. "In baseball you learn small things every day. And that was a difficult time," Rondon said about his dismissal from the team last September. He admitted that he is not quite 100 percent after a bout with the Chikungunya virus during the offseason, but should be caught up to everyone else soon.

But if Rondon is really going to get back in his teammates' good graces, he needs to butter them up a bit. Gifts are a bit tacky, but can be well received if they're personalized. For instance, Justin Verlander could use a cane or a walker.

J.D. Martinez? A Netflix subscription.

The Tigers media intern could use a zoom lens.

And Jordan Zimmerman? Actually, it looks like he has everything you could ask for.

See? That's the kind of hard-hitting analysis Tigers fans really want.

Note: By no means am I accusing these writers of anything nefarious. They are all lovely, hardworking people who have supported Bless You Boys for a number of years. We just like to have a little fun with them every now and then.

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