Editor's note: Alright, the gig is up. We at BYB are not real people, but rather a set of aliases created by our SB Nation mothership designed to convince you that actual humans write for this website. "Personality," they claim. Anyway, the thoughts and snippets below have been compiled by the data set known as "HookSlide" in attempt to recap the Detroit Tigers' very real 6-5 victory over the Tampa Bay Rays. Enjoy.
Shane Greene can't leave the ball up in the zone. He's not a true "four-seam pitcher," according to Brad Ausmus, so that fastball doesn't have enough movement to foil hitters when it's up in their wheelhouse.
Victor Martinez can hit the ball from the left side. It's ok to stop worrying about that.
Mike Aviles is a "baseball rat," at least according to Kirk Gibson. You can't un-know that now.
Very few sentences in the English language are more frightening than the ones that start "Victor Martinez legs out a ..."
I want to hear an entire interview between Dan Dickerson and Brad Ausmus that just goes like:
Dan: Do you math?
Brad: I'm pretty.
Dan: So, numbers?
Brad: So, so pretty.
Dan: Stats, stats, and stats?
Kirk Gibson also thinks Bryan Holaday plays the game "the right way." That's another thing you can't un-know.
(And then Holaday roped an RBI single. I will never pretend to know anything ever again.)
Bryan Holaday has nine total RBI as of the second inning of this game. He's basically been worth one extra win all by himself. These are things that keep me awake at night.
Wynton Bernard is pretty fast out of the batter's box. You don't hear enough about that.
Another multi-RBI double for Ian Kinsler? This guy has a promising future as a backup catcher ahead of him.
Tampa Bay's pitching coach's last name is Hickey. That's not nearly as good as "Dubee," but it's a dark horse contender.
Gibby said that Alan Trammell was "a much better hitter than me," which is weird, considering that Alan Trammell didn't get into the Hall of Fame, and Gibby did.
Upon further research, it turns out Gibby didn't get into the Hall of Fame either. The BBWAA sucks.
Shane Greene is giving up a lot of hard contact because he's not keeping the ball down. That's probably cause for concern. He also seems to be getting worse as he goes on, so maybe that whole bullpen idea isn't so crazy.
Except that then Greene struck out Loney on a wicked breaking ball, so cancel the panic.
I can't be the only person who initially evaluates a player based on their name alone. For example, I know nothing about Drake Britton and whether he's good or not, but I've already decided he's awesome because, "Drake." This is probably also why I feel that Kirk Gibson should be in the Hall of Fame.
No, seriously, Victor Martinez is hitting the crap out of the ball from the left side. He looks like 2014 VMart the way he's looming up there at the plate in "attack mode." It's a fearsome and very much welcome sight.
Daniel Norris + knee-buckling curve ball = cancel my Viagra prescription.
Wynton Bernard tried to bunt for a hit and fouled out to the catcher. Wynton, we asked 100 people what is the most overrated offensive strategy in baseball, *what* does the survey say?
Justin Upton strikes out so often, by July you're going to be begging the baseball gods to have Austin Jackson back in the lineup.
Michael Gerber pinch-running for Victor Martinez is about as far to the opposite end of the spectrum as you can get from Josh Wilson pinch-running for Victor Martinez. Gerber can run, but he also is very unlikely to strike out with the bases loaded later in the game. Long live Gerber.
A thing I thought many times during this game: why is Mike Aviles on this team?
Trevor Thompson: "What's your goal for spring training?"
Shane Greene: "To make the team."
Dream big, Shane. Dream big.
I think Jason Krizan has seen more playing time so far than most of the regular roster. Not sure if that means anything, but maybe the org is keeping an eye on him?
Joe Jimenez? I would be comfortable with him closing out games starting tomorrow. I can't even imagine how awesome he's going to be with another year or two of extra seasoning.