The BYB war room was rocked this afternoon by the release of a video so shocking, so haunting, and so glorious, that it shook Tigers’ nation to its knees. After much deliberation, it was decided that we had no right to withhold this footage — courtesy of one Julio Daniel Martinez — from the faithful public. But be warned. You may be impressed. You may be horrified. Or you may fall in love with America’s newest boy band heartthrob, Nick Castellanos.
What’s really impressive, or perhaps what’s really chilling, depending on your perspective, is just how naturally Castellanos pulls this off. He so looks the part of a boy band superstar that it’s borderline disturbing.
The Backstreet Boys peaked when Castellanos was not yet even a twinkle, as the saying goes. But clearly, Nick Castellanos has performed that song before, many times in his life. You’ll never convince me otherwise, Nick.
But which part of the traditional five-tool boy band structure is Nick? Is he the bad boy? The preppy kid? The brooding, handsome Latino one — perhaps we have a winner there — The ugly one who is actually talented?
Clearly, the blond, fresh-faced goof role would have to be filled by another Tiger. Perhaps Andrew Romine. Or, more deliciously, a shaven Daniel Norris? You’ll have to decide for yourself Tigers fans. I won’t help you. Why? Because I want it that way.