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The 2017 MLB All-Star Drinking Game

Crack open a cold one and enjoy America’s pastime in the most American way possible.

MLB: Arizona Diamondbacks at Colorado Rockies Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

After what might have been the greatest Home Run Derby of all time, baseball’s midsummer festivities conclude tonight with the All-Star Game. The All-Star break is great for baseball, allowing many of the game’s biggest stars to share the same stage for three days, this year in one of the nation’s most colorful cities in Miami, Florida. However, now that the game no longer counts towards home field advantage in the World Series, fans have been forced to come up with new ways to keep the game interesting.

Enter the 2017 MLB All-Star Drinking Game.

Nothing complements America’s pastime like “cracking open a cold one with the boys,” (or with anyone, for that matter). Some of the options on here are extremely relevant right now, like Aaron Judge’s rise to super stardom, but there are some classics involved that are sure to be hits for years to come, like Fox fawning over Derek Jeter doing Derek Jeter things.

For those who can’t read or see the image:

One Drink

If Derek Jeter is mentioned
If there’s a pitching change during an inning
If the Marlins’ impending sale is mentioned
If a celebrity is shown during the game
If the old format of the All-Star Game (counting for home field advantage in the World Series) is mentioned
If someone is described as “one of the brightest young stars in the game.”
If there’s a Chevrolet commercial
If the Chicago Cubs only having one All-Star is mentioned
If launch angle or exit velocity are mentioned
If Miami is referred to as a “great sports town”
If a player bunts
If an error is made in the field

Two Drinks

If Jose Altuve and Aaron Judge are both mentioned in the same conversation about their respective heights
If highlights from past All-Star Games are shown
If highlights of Albert Pujols’ 600th home run are played
If Rob Manfred is interviewed during the game
If Joe Buck’s broadcasting (grand)father is brought up
If Salvador Perez is mentioned as “elite” something
If Alex Rodriguez and J-Lo’s relationship is mentioned (three drinks if they are shown on screen together)
If Aaron Judge is mentioned as “the new face of baseball”
If Joe Buck mentions a contract situation or pending free agency with a player
If Tim Tebow is mentioned

Three Drinks

If Angel Hernandez’s lawsuit against MLB is mentioned
If Joe West tries to show up a player or manager
If Jeffrey Loria’s lawsuit with a fan is mentioned
If Derek Jeter footage is shown
If any player is compared to a player in another professional sport
If one of the announcers does a Chris Berman impression on a home run ball [Ed.: Stop trying to make fetch happen, Cam]
If the baseball is specifically referred to as “juiced”
If there’s a Chevrolet advertisement on the in-game graphics
If the game’s MVP thanks any MLB sponsors during the postgame interview

Finish Drink

If Tim Tebow baseball footage is shown
If a player hits a home run off the statue in left-center field
If LaVar Ball is mentioned

Anyway, enjoy the game, and remember to always drink responsibly. Hell, you don’t even have to play the game with alcohol. Paying attention to all the references is a game in of itself. Just remember to have fun and enjoy some stress-free baseball tonight.