Dodgers [huge number], Tigers [sad little number]: What else did we expect, really?

As today is the annual Bless You Boys meet-up, most of the staff will be enjoying the [type of weather] day at Comerica Park, eating some [type of junk food], and wearing their favorite [Tigers player name] jerseys, we decided to have a little fun with the recap.

Tigers pitcher Michael Fulmer squared off against Hyun-Jin Ryu, and seemed to be his old self for [number smaller than three] innings. Unfortunately, at the top of the third inning [Dodgers player name] swung at a [breaking pitch type] over the [top/center/bottom] of the plate and sent a [number smaller than four]-run blast over the [left/right/center] field wall.

The Tigers wouldn’t take things lying down, however. In the [inning less than six] inning, [Tigers player name] was able to drive in [number less than four] runs on an unconventional [hit type] that left many in the crowd scratching their [plural body part] in [emotion].

Fulmer was pulled from the game after [number less than seven] innings, after giving up [impossibly high number] of runs to the seemingly [adjective] Dodgers. He was replaced by [most competent Tigers bullpen player], who gave up another [big number] of runs and was subsequently replaced by the Comerica [random ballpark job], because really, did it matter anymore?

When all seemed lost, the Tigers decided to make a push for greatness. Pinch-hitter [Tigers bench player or minor leaguer] who came in for [veteran Tigers player] in the [number higher than five]th inning, hit a [adorable nickname for a hit] over the head of [Dodgers outfield player] to drive in [Tigers player name]. Then [Tigers player name] was hit by a pitch in the bottom of the [same number as above]th, to force in another run. With the bases still loaded, [Tigers player] stepped to the plate but struck out. Tigers [verb] but do not score.

In the ninth, [Tigers bullpen player] replaced the [ballpark job same as above], who had managed to hold the game scoreless for [number lower than four] innings. The crowd gave him a standing ovation. In spite of a [adjective] effort, the reliever was unable to overcome the heart of the Dodgers’ lineup, and [Dodgers player name] hit another home run.

The final score was [huge number]-[very sad small number].

ROARS:

[less popular Tigers player] who amazed crowds with a stellar catch, ending the [number less than six]th inning, and also drove in [number less than five] RBIs for the game. People will be talking about his part in this game for weeks.

[Tigers relief pitcher] who managed to not screw things up too badly.

[Tigers infielder] who turned a [adjective] double play in spite of [verb]ing the ball right as he caught it.

HISSES:

[Tigers outfielders] who collided during what should have been a routine pop-fly, letting [Dodgers player] score from [base].

[Tigers infielder] who managed to pop a bubble so big it obscured his [body part] and missed a stolen base as a result.

[umpire name] who threw out [member of Tigers management] and [Tigers player] after a [animal] ran onto the field and [same Tigers player] paused the game so he could play with it.

At the end of the day it was a rough loss for the Tigers, but at least some people got themselves a [retired Tigers player] bobble-head!