Cubs 5, Tigers 2: What is this, the home run derby?

Raise your hand if you thought “lol, Kris Bryant is sitting again, who is David Bote, lol we’ve got this” when you looked at the Cubs lineup before the game today.

If your hand is up, keep it up if you felt pretty silly when David Bote mashed his first career home run against Francisco Liriano.

It actually seemed as if home runs were the name of the game at Wrigley this fine 4th of July Wednesday. Nicholas Castellanos blasted one out in the first inning, and then John Hicks — whose wife was in attendance — got one in the third, to reclaim the lead after Bote’s solo shot in the second.

What are you guys up to right now? Are you at the beach? Are you having a BBQ? What did you do today that took you away from the game so you needed to read this recap? Was there a pool involved? I’m jealous.

You got to miss some suuuuper sloppy fielding from Hicks and Mikie Mahtook in the bottom of the fourth that allowed Javier Baez to steal a bag and damn near sent him home. Yikes. You don’t mess with Javy on the bags, he’s too quick.

Are you drinking beer on a backyard deck somewhere? Can I have one?

Oh, what’s that? Javier Baez stole home? Of course he did. He’s like a slightly slowed down version of Quicksilver from Marvel. The Tigers didn’t even challenge it (and rightly, he was safe), and in a way it was fun to watch because Javier Baez is just insane. I’m really glad we don’t have to play against the Cubs regularly.

In the bottom of the fifth Jose Quintana hit a bunt that was the closest thing to a foul I’ve ever seen but still managed to get him to first base.

After some absolutely wild defensive plays by the Cubs in the top of the sixth, the Tigers were unable to make and further headway. Then, bottom of the sixth, Willson Contreras hit a solo home run, giving the Cubs a 3-2 lead. That’s four home runs for the day.

With two outs in the inning, Anthony Rizzo came on to pinch hit, but thankfully it was not a heroic moment and the inning quickly ended.

Jose Iglesias managed a leadoff double to start the seventh. Then after being waved home by Dave Clark after a Victor Martinez single, Iglesias was tagged out at the plate. Bah.

Tell me about your days, guys. Good drinks? Good friends? Is anyone on a boat?

Woah, hey, a wild pitch just advanced two Tigers runners but... oh... TTBDNS.

Is anyone eating coleslaw? I love coleslaw.

Contreras struck again in the bottom of the seventh, scoring two on a double to center. Cubs now lead 5-2.

At some point Ron Gardenhire left the dugout and no one knows why.

The Tigers simply never managed to get themselves back in a position to get ahead and unfortunately the minute the Cubs had the lead in the seventh, the game was pretty much over.

At least you guys saved me a cocktail, right?