Twins 15, Tigers 8: More like Liri-oh-no, amirite?

Here’s what you need to know about this no good, very bad game.

It started like this:

And it was all downhill from there.

Francisco Liriano didn’t even make it through the second inning, having already sacrificed eight runs. His final line for his very short night was 1.2 IP, 5 H, 8 R, 4 ER, 3 BB, 1 K. Super.

Again: this was still the second inning.

Santana pitched high and inside to Castellanos in his next at bat and it got Gardy barking, but no one was warned and no one was ejected.

Zac Reininger, called up for Artie Lewicki, cut his hair off and apparently it had some sort of a reverse Samson effect on him, because he was excellent in his appearance.

Victor Martinez hit a double. Then Mikie Mahtook continued to make the most of his return trip to the majors, hitting his first home run of the season (at the MLB level) for a two-run shot. Very nice to see. Oh, and what’s this? James McCann follows with a solo home run? This was the first time all season the Tigers have had back-to-back home runs.

You have my attention, Tigers.

I looked away for about ten minutes (proving my attention is fleeting) and suddenly Santana was out of the game, Trevor May was in, the bases were loaded and May walked Victor Martinez to walk in a run. Now we’ve got a 6-8 game and Things. Are. Interesting.

May struck out Mahtook, then walked McCann, walking in another run. Pretty sure Twins fans started booing him at this point.

Paul Molitor wasn’t even moving.

[May got out of the jam, then there was a boring interlude with not much worth noting]

Oh no, Zach McAllister gave up a two-run homer to Ehire Adrianza. Twins lead 10-7. Bases loaded with one out. Game over for McAllister after five of the six batters he faced reached base.

Alex Wilson comes on and walks Miguel Sano, walking in a run. Oh man, it just got worse from there. First an Austin sac fly scored a run, then a Garver single scored two more runs. Yeesh. Twins lead 14-7 and that comeback isn’t looking so hopeful.

Also oh my god it’s only the sixth inning.

Rosario singled, scoring another run.

Niko Goodrum got a solo home run in the 7th.

Oh good heavens Logan Forsythe, calm down. Five-hit game. Show off.

Finally we arrive at the top of the ninth. The Twins won. Let’s go to bed.